Not long after I found out I was pregnant with Colton I bought a necklace that had the words embrace change engraved on it. Colton was a baby surprise and while I was MORE than excited to bring another little person into our family it came as a bit of a shock.

The words EMBRACE CHANGE have given me peace in many situations, good, bad, happy or sad. Change moves us forward in time.

A month ago or so for who knows what reason I was feeling blue. When I feel blue I self medicate with food. I reason to myself that it’s okay – I deserve to treat myself and eat whatever I want. The truth is that the food tastes delicious and does make me feel better in the moment, but later on it always makes things worse for me. My body starts to break down. I have this funky thing with my liver called Gilbert’s Syndrome, a supposedly benign condition. Gilbert’s is anything but benign and through research I have found I am not alone in my thoughts on this.

I am tired all the time. My stomach will hurt for no reason and blow up to look as if I am 6 months pregnant [this is not an exaggeration]. Stress triggers more bad reactions in my body as my liver can not process and move out all the bilirubin in my system. Basically when I am not running and eating good – my body doesn’t just fall apart like a normal person’s. It REALLY falls apart. I get bloated – I can gain 10 lbs in less than 2 weeks. I feel even more tired than I do on a regular basis. I literally can sleep 10 hours a night and wake up completely un-rested and feel miserable. It’s a terrible cycle. Feel miserable – eat more junk. Eat more junk – feel miserable. Feel miserable – run less. Run less – feel even worse.

A month ago I was questioning secretly in my head if I should give up on my dreams of a fall marathon. I was questioning if I could even consider myself a serious runner? I was NOT happy and this meant that I was cranky to my kids and pissy to my husband – which I absolutely hate. It also meant that I didn’t want to see friends or really go anywhere because I didn’t want people judging me for the way I looked on the outside. More than one person asked me or thought I was pregnant. Um. Nope. Just overweight and in a bad place.

I had to have an AHA moment where I decided to stop being a baby and TAKE CHARGE of what I was doing.

I made some changes. I decided I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself about the triple running stroller. I decided that in order to have the strength to push them farther than 4 miles I needed to recover faster, so I started drinking protein shakes. Protein immediately before a hard work out, protein immediately after a run, protein in between meals to keep me from over indulging and having a 500 calorie snack.

I started to feel better. Once I felt better then I wanted to work out more. I wanted to eat better. I bought Jackie Warner’s Book This Is Why You’re Fat  (and how to get thin forever). I devoured it.

I wish the title of the book was a little different because you do indeed get looks when reading a book about being fat when you are not really fat. I learned so many new things from this book – I want to shout from the rooftops how good it is. My book is covered in highlighter. I’ve taken it with me multiple times to Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s to help me with my grocery shopping and to GNC to load up on vitamins. [Yes I am one of those people that takes vitamins – I don’t think they are a waste of money – in fact quite the opposite]

What has happened as a result is that I’m feeling better physically on the inside than I have in a very long time.

Once I got the inside under control I needed to get the outside under control.

I decided running was no longer enough for me. I craved the feeling of being sore after lifting or doing something my body has never done before, so I started doing Jillian Michaels DVD’s. This woman is no joke. NEVER did I ever think I would get a crazy workout from a DVD. I have 5 different DVD’s of hers that I have been rotating so I don’t get bored. The result has been that my abs are coming back and I feel stronger.

 

I decided that it was MIND OVER MATTER when it came to pushing the little people. This week I would take charge.

BOOM – 10 miles pushing more than my body weight in stroller and little people with an average of 8:35. If I can do that. I can do anything. I won’t be forgetting this run any time soon.

I haven’t lost all the weight I gained but I’ve lost the majority of it and am feeling stronger than ever. My body will catch up once I start piling on the miles. Marathon training starts this weekend.

EMBRACE CHANGE

I decided that maybe I was holding on to DREAMS that weren’t meant for me and that by holding on to the wrong DREAM I wasn’t open to the right DREAM.

For a BAZILLION different reasons I decided that running Hood To Coast with nuun this year was not for me. I wanted to give someone else a shot at having as much fun as I did last year and by running I was taking away a spot from an alternate that in their heart probably thought there was no way any one was backing out of running this race. When I think about what I am going to miss I get a little sad, but as soon as I think about the awesome runner that gets to run in my place my heart leaps.

One door closed but on that VERY same day hours later another door opened.

I was asked to run Ragnar DC with a team that wants to run competitively. Not only do they want to try to run fast, but it is going to have 3 other girls on it that I am friends with!!! So my dream of a fast relay team with friends will come true. I’ve run Ragnar DC before with Saucony and had an amazing time – I’m looking forward to making more sweaty relay memories this September.

Last but certainly not least. We decided on a whim to put our house up for sale. We saw a house we loved on a Tuesday night and by Friday our house was for sale. It sold in 5 days and we were able to put an offer on the house we loved. WE got that house days later and are moving in less than 3 weeks!!

I already feel like the house we are moving feels like a home, our home. A HUGE bonus is the fact that I can see my favorite running trail from my new front porch.

I couldn’t be more exicted to move and feel like it’s a big adventure that Eric, Chloe, Miles and Colton and I are going on!

These are just a few of the changes that have been happening lately. I’m embracing them.

It’s more than easy to let minor set backs in your fitness or weight shove you down. I’ve let it happen to me way too many times. Hope is not lost. Decide to pick yourself up and start fresh from that day forward. You are worth it.

I’ve been loving all your tips lately – especially the ones you left on my I Want To Quit post!

So tell me – how do you bust through a fitness or running rut?

 

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Comments

  1. Congrats on the new house =) Sometimes the best decisions are those made spur of the moment – you are thinking from your heart and that’s what will make you happiest.
    I’ve never heard of your syndrome before…definitely does not sound like fun. I have struggles with food – when I first found out I was pregnant this time around, I was really excited and happy, but a small part of me was depressed. I had been training so hard for a spring marathon and seeing all the updates and progress on twitter / FB / blogs was tough for me. I turned to food (which is what I always do) and put on a good amount of weight early on in the pregnancy. When I start to not like the way I look, I don’t run as much which only makes the whole situation worse. And like you, I get cranky with everyone. Glad to hear that you are pulling yourself out of it. You look amazing. I’ve heard great things about her DVDs and am considering giving them a try post-baby =)
    PS. Maybe taking a yr off from HTC is what you need – then we can both do it next year =)

  2. Congratulations on the new house- that is so exciting. Now the fun part comes- packing and moving! Ha! My hubby and were talking last night about moving into our dream home within the next year. Hopefully his new job will allow us to do that so that we can add our home to our rental property list. I am just dreading packing- UGH. I might have to pay someone to do it for me this time.

    I totally understand and respect your decision to not run HTC. I hope that you have fun with your Ragnar team and kick some serious booty!

  3. Darn it I thought the move would be to NYC 😉 I hate change and this was a great post to remind me that embracing it is beneficial. I’m sorry to hear about your health stuff, that’s stinky. I got asked if I was pregnant because I had an empire waist dress on at work…twice. Sigh. There may have been tears and a tirade.

  4. I love it! Embrace all of that change that’s coming. Good luck with the move, I wish our house would sell that fast!

  5. Laura says:

    I run (I just started increasing my mileage this week to train for my first marathon…yippee!!), but I also train for triathlons. Last season I had a love/hate relationship with my training…I loved how I felt after a workout but I also felt it was taking away from other things that I liked doing…working around the house I has just purchased, spending time with my (then, now ex) boyfriend, or sleeping. I ended up opting out of a 70.3 triathlon and taking a few months off. I went through a rough patch during that time, but I knew then (and I still know now) that that was the right decision.

    I gained a bit (okay, okay, a lot) of weight in those months. I didn’t feel great about myself. Maintaining 10:30 miles was a struggle when I did get out to run. I had been in the best shape of my life in July, and by Christmas, I was an over-indulgent mess.

    Much like you, I decided that I needed a change. I started working with my coach again. I ended what was a fairly unhealthy relationship. I started eating better. I completed a half-marathon in February; not my fastest ever, but not my slowest either. I realized what I had been missing, and although I originally thought I would be grateful for those months off so I could do thing things I wanted to do, I actually became grateful for them for the things that they made me miss.

    About a month ago I was on a training ride in preparation for a triathlon. I was struck by a car while I was on that ride. All things considered, my injuries were minor and I’m recovering. A thousand thoughts went through my mind in the days following the accident: how I could have been paralyzed; how I could have had a traumatic brain injury that would have caused me to forget my life, the people in it, and the fact that I do, at the end of the day, love to run (and swim and bike).

    Sometimes you need to fall so you can feel the “glory” that comes from picking yourself back up. Sometimes losing (or almost losing) something is the wake-up call you need. I’ve been in a place both mentally and physically where I thought I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, be able to do the things I love. Going forward, I am going to try my best to remember both of these experiences; I am confident that I will pull through any fitness rut I have. :)

    You’re a positive person. I love your blog. You may not see it all of the time, but you have a thousand things going for you. Focus on the little “excitements” that come along the way, and embrace the “downs” as experiences that you can learn from and use to help avoid a down spot in the future. :)

    Thank you for this post, and for your blog. I wish you the best of luck in your new home with your family, and safe and fast races with your new running team. :)

  6. I’ve been struggling with this one lately…between pregnancy hormones (I’m 27 weeks) and extreme heat and extreme pelvic floor pain I have not really moved in a few weeks…I’m finally realizing the cycle between low protein intake (I’m vegetarian) and carb cravings….so if I can just KEEP the carbs lower and the protein up I tend to do better!

  7. Congratulations on all you have been up to! Again you inspire me. I have been struggling with embracing (or correctly letting go) our move. With all the added stress I am internalizing, I’ve gained weight, lost motivation and become complacent. I am trying to establish a new routine (which I seem to handle each day better with) and your post is very timely in reminding me that my issues are so small in comparison. Thanks!

    Enjoy your new home!

  8. Wow, what an amazing post. Thanks for being so honest about things that are so difficult. And congratulations on tackling the things that were bugging you and facing them straight on. That takes such guts and courage. I’m also hugely impressed that you dropped out of HTC so that someone with more passion for it could enjoy it, that’s so selfless. But most of all wow wow wow about the house – that kind of speed makes me think that it’s all part of God’s plan for you, this move and this new house!

    It’s going to be a fantastic summer for you and your abs!!!

  9. Thanks again for sharing your struggles with us. When I read that part though about questioning if you are a serious runner or not – Dorothy, of course you are! Thank you for continuing to inspire us on a regular basis! Glad to hear you are getting back to where you want to be!

  10. Oh and P.S. totally love Jackie Warner! Going to have to go pick up a copy of her book!

  11. I’m so excited for your new home- that is something I’d love to do if I find the perfect one-
    as for pushing the kiddos- be forgiving to yourself- you don’t have to push them or be strong everyday- if you can find a sitter and go for an easy run- you deserve that. I’m a mom of 3 too- and I get it- although my running ability is no where near your level- we do have in common the desire to be strong mommies- sometimes we don’t have to be strong- they will still love us :-) — even if we get a sitter and leave them for an hour of “me” time. I feel so guilty when I take it- but it is needed.

  12. Wow!! Congrats on your new home. I think I am going to pick up that Jackie Warner book. I think it would be good motivation.

    I am in my first week of training for my very first marathon. I am hoping that the increased mileage will help me bust through my weight-loss plateau.

  13. Congrats on the quick house sale! And you’re not alone – I have been feeling really gross too recently, and it definitely has affected my interactions with friends and my desire to get out and live life. I joined a gym the other night after years of asserting “I can exercise for free [running]” because I finally admitted that lifting weights, doing core work, and cross-training can only *help* me become a better runner.

    Two years ago I had (what was in retrospect, and never officially diagnosed) really screwy hormonal things happening (breakouts, no period, and I fractured from lack of protective estrogen) and my doc mentioned offhandedly that my tests indicated Gilbert’s Syndrome. She said it was completely harmless. I need to look into this more! I do definitely gain (and luckily lose) weight easily, and my stomach can get pretty uncomfortable, but I always chalked that up to all the beans and vegetables I eat. (I don’t think the Gilbert’s probably had anything to do with my ammenorhea and fracture.)

  14. new houses are so fun (besides the packing part). Thanks so much for sharing this. Sometimes it is easy to fall in that cycle of self-pity and it’s hard to get out. It is good to know that I’m not alone in those kind of struggles and that even “seasoned” runners/Healthy Living Bloggers aren’t perfect all the time. You’re an inspiration… keep it up!

  15. Haven’t read this in its entirety yet but did see the pic of you and your GORGEOUS body Dorothy. SEriously…fit, strong, perfect size boobs (IMO Ha!)…just the image of strong. Beautiful you.

  16. Your abs look awesome in the pic! I do a strength workout every week and don’t have abs like that. Must look into those DVDs!

    I think what you did re: Hood to Coast was really thoughtful. Allowing someone who hasn’t run it before and really wants to is such a kind gesture and I think you will always feel good about this decision for that reason.

    I am so happy for you re: the move. I’ve sensed for a long time that you weren’t really happy in South Riding, and I share some of your feelings, although having lived here longer I think the roots are deeper…although I’ll admit that when you told me where you’re going I thought, “That’s where I want to move!” Congrats also in selling the house so quickly. I will miss seeing you in the neighborhood but hopefully will see you from time to time!

  17. I am so happy for you and your new house! You are amazing and human and ruts are normal. But what makes you extra special is that you put it out there so others know they are not alone.

  18. becky says:

    i do exactly what you did–change it up. i’m a jillian michaels fanatic–love the quick, potent workouts! it’s hard for me to skip a day of running–nothing feels quite as good as those endorphins coarsing through my body afterwards–but i’ve found that jillian’s dvds give me a satisfying workout and have really contributed to my running. and the next time i run, when i get a twinge in a muscle, i know it’s because it’s getting stronger from my strength training.

    sounds like exciting things are on the horizon for you…i wish you the best!

  19. Congrats on the new house, good luck with your move. :)

    Change can be exciting, but scary and difficult too. I know my own eating habits fall off the rails too easily, and it is hard to get back on track. Thanks for the book reference – I’ve ordered it from my local library to check it out.

    Now, I need to motivate my tush off the couch and go for a bike ride!

  20. Lots of changes! Best of luck with all of it :)

    And also…what triple jogging stroller do you have? I’m pregnant with #3 and it looks like it is going that direction.

  21. Kalie says:

    Hi! I am impressed as always with your drive. I do tons of workout DVDs. I recommend Jackie Warner’s DVDs, Jari Love Get Ripped Slim n Lean, and Pure Barre. I also love Bob Harper’s Yoga for the Warrior. Changing it up keeps me from feeling bored and it also helps me branch out and feel like my fitness identity is not tied solely to running, because sometimes I have to take time off from it. Good call on saying no…I just turned down a relay too, and it is a huge weight off my shoulders. I love you, Dorothy!

  22. I know all about hard decisions and I respect you completely for everything you just wrote about. Life has it’s way of showing us the direction we should go. What makes us smart is making the choice and going with it.

    I’m sad that you won’t be in Seattle. I’m sad that I won’t be able to meet you but I know that we will someday. I can’t believe I’m the one lucky enough to take your spot. You’re right in thinking that my mindset was that there was NO WAY i was going to get to run. I had even started to research restaurants I wanted to eat at in Seaside on Saturday. :)

    You’re an amazing woman, and an amazing mom and that’s about all I can say!

  23. Katie @ msfitrunner says:

    What amazing things you have going on!! I LOVE that Jackie Warner book, i bought it awhile ago and continually reference it. I learned so many things and I just got her new book. Jillian is also my go to DVD workout. Great post and good for you for taking control. I have hashimotos thyroid, under active thyroid disease which is totally benign, but completely frustrating to live with on SO many levels. I have learned that I have to take control of it as much as I can. Congrats on the house. Keep up the awesome running:)

  24. Wow, great abs! And way to go on the triple stroller run. Very inspiring how you grabbed control of your situation and made efforts to change things. I just put the Jackie Waner book on hold at the library. I feel like I need to change some things up right now. Good luck with the move.

  25. Lesley says:

    I also have body troubles that magnify with no exercise or other dietary changes. I find this to be very overwhelming and super debilitating at times. You get in a good place and then something happens, it might not be much and your in deep water again. To live with this repeating cycle is tough. I have my blue days of wondering if I will EVER eat like a normal person, when my abdomen will be flat. I need to remind myself that they will continue to come, and I can’t deny myself the chance to sometimes get frustrated with the situation but neither can I allow myself the opportunity to have a pity party every chance I get so it is a balance. Once you start riding the pity wagon, it can take you many miles so I just remember to be thankful. I have a God who created me special and maybe there are things that “normal” people can do that I can’t, like eat whatever they want, but I can also do thing that others can’t. Don’t know if any have viewed theYouTube video of Kelly Clarkson’s video “What Doesn’t Kill You” , the one taken at the children’s cancer hospital, but it is worth watching. It is very powerful and it reminds me that this is not killing me and this will make me stronger!

  26. Lots of stuff going on. I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better about your body and eating right! Sorry you went through a rough patch. Also, that’s great news about the move. How far are you going from your current house? That’s awesome that it happened so quickly and everything seemed to fall into place exactly how you wanted.

  27. Oh My Goodness Dorothy, I felt like you were talking about me. I just got Jackie book and am learning so many good things from it to. I’m on that cycle of not liking myself so I’ll just eat and it will make me happy, but we know how that will end up. I end up hating myself for not having control. Thank you for sharing. I’m going to try to do those protein shake more often during the day. Thanks again.

  28. OMG. Michelle, I felt so similar when I found out I was pregnant in January (I knew it was a possibility cause we were trying) but it wasn’t happening so I let go of the idea of getting pregnant and started to focus on my running. And I was really getting my mileage up and feeling fit and lean and honing in on my diet and then when I found out I basically dropped down from 45 to 10 miles a week and started eating “for two” which is bad and bam I gained 10 lbs before my first doctors appointment! Yikes! But, after that first appointment I said to myself: this is not the way the rest of my pregnancy is going to go and I made the goal of running at least 20-25 miles a week and getting my diet under control (not super restrictive, just better portion control and not giving in to cravings all the time). I need to remind myself time to time to stick to this, but for the most part I feel so much better!

  29. Alexandra Fa says:

    You’ve had some pretty exciting accomplishments recently-maybe your blues was coming off some of those. Kind of like post marathon blues.
    Goodluck with the move! That’s exciting your house sold so fast.

  30. Wow, changes indeed! I’m so happy for you that you found a house you love. Living near the trail is going to be life changing for you. It sounds like it was meant to be.

  31. JennyV says:

    I find a new interval workout for te treadmill and just go after it!!

    How exciting for the new home and everything to go through so quickly!

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  1. […] harder! Here we go July! Beth: 1. Read This Is Why You’re Fat by Jackie Warner.  I saw Dorothy talk about this book on her blog and immediately wanted to read it.  I’ve been a fan of […]

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