Not long after I found out I was pregnant with Colton I bought a necklace that had the words embrace change engraved on it. Colton was a baby surprise and while I was MORE than excited to bring another little person into our family it came as a bit of a shock.
The words EMBRACE CHANGE have given me peace in many situations, good, bad, happy or sad. Change moves us forward in time.
A month ago or so for who knows what reason I was feeling blue. When I feel blue I self medicate with food. I reason to myself that it’s okay – I deserve to treat myself and eat whatever I want. The truth is that the food tastes delicious and does make me feel better in the moment, but later on it always makes things worse for me. My body starts to break down. I have this funky thing with my liver called Gilbert’s Syndrome, a supposedly benign condition. Gilbert’s is anything but benign and through research I have found I am not alone in my thoughts on this.
I am tired all the time. My stomach will hurt for no reason and blow up to look as if I am 6 months pregnant [this is not an exaggeration]. Stress triggers more bad reactions in my body as my liver can not process and move out all the bilirubin in my system. Basically when I am not running and eating good – my body doesn’t just fall apart like a normal person’s. It REALLY falls apart. I get bloated – I can gain 10 lbs in less than 2 weeks. I feel even more tired than I do on a regular basis. I literally can sleep 10 hours a night and wake up completely un-rested and feel miserable. It’s a terrible cycle. Feel miserable – eat more junk. Eat more junk – feel miserable. Feel miserable – run less. Run less – feel even worse.
A month ago I was questioning secretly in my head if I should give up on my dreams of a fall marathon. I was questioning if I could even consider myself a serious runner? I was NOT happy and this meant that I was cranky to my kids and pissy to my husband – which I absolutely hate. It also meant that I didn’t want to see friends or really go anywhere because I didn’t want people judging me for the way I looked on the outside. More than one person asked me or thought I was pregnant. Um. Nope. Just overweight and in a bad place.
I had to have an AHA moment where I decided to stop being a baby and TAKE CHARGE of what I was doing.
I made some changes. I decided I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself about the triple running stroller. I decided that in order to have the strength to push them farther than 4 miles I needed to recover faster, so I started drinking protein shakes. Protein immediately before a hard work out, protein immediately after a run, protein in between meals to keep me from over indulging and having a 500 calorie snack.
I started to feel better. Once I felt better then I wanted to work out more. I wanted to eat better. I bought Jackie Warner’s Book – This Is Why You’re Fat (and how to get thin forever). I devoured it.
I wish the title of the book was a little different because you do indeed get looks when reading a book about being fat when you are not really fat. I learned so many new things from this book – I want to shout from the rooftops how good it is. My book is covered in highlighter. I’ve taken it with me multiple times to Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s to help me with my grocery shopping and to GNC to load up on vitamins. [Yes I am one of those people that takes vitamins – I don’t think they are a waste of money – in fact quite the opposite]
What has happened as a result is that I’m feeling better physically on the inside than I have in a very long time.
Once I got the inside under control I needed to get the outside under control.
I decided running was no longer enough for me. I craved the feeling of being sore after lifting or doing something my body has never done before, so I started doing Jillian Michaels DVD’s. This woman is no joke. NEVER did I ever think I would get a crazy workout from a DVD. I have 5 different DVD’s of hers that I have been rotating so I don’t get bored. The result has been that my abs are coming back and I feel stronger.
I decided that it was MIND OVER MATTER when it came to pushing the little people. This week I would take charge.
BOOM – 10 miles pushing more than my body weight in stroller and little people with an average of 8:35. If I can do that. I can do anything. I won’t be forgetting this run any time soon.
I haven’t lost all the weight I gained but I’ve lost the majority of it and am feeling stronger than ever. My body will catch up once I start piling on the miles. Marathon training starts this weekend.
I decided that maybe I was holding on to DREAMS that weren’t meant for me and that by holding on to the wrong DREAM I wasn’t open to the right DREAM.
For a BAZILLION different reasons I decided that running Hood To Coast with nuun this year was not for me. I wanted to give someone else a shot at having as much fun as I did last year and by running I was taking away a spot from an alternate that in their heart probably thought there was no way any one was backing out of running this race. When I think about what I am going to miss I get a little sad, but as soon as I think about the awesome runner that gets to run in my place my heart leaps.
One door closed but on that VERY same day hours later another door opened.
I was asked to run Ragnar DC with a team that wants to run competitively. Not only do they want to try to run fast, but it is going to have 3 other girls on it that I am friends with!!! So my dream of a fast relay team with friends will come true. I’ve run Ragnar DC before with Saucony and had an amazing time – I’m looking forward to making more sweaty relay memories this September.
Last but certainly not least. We decided on a whim to put our house up for sale. We saw a house we loved on a Tuesday night and by Friday our house was for sale. It sold in 5 days and we were able to put an offer on the house we loved. WE got that house days later and are moving in less than 3 weeks!!
I already feel like the house we are moving feels like a home, our home. A HUGE bonus is the fact that I can see my favorite running trail from my new front porch.
I couldn’t be more exicted to move and feel like it’s a big adventure that Eric, Chloe, Miles and Colton and I are going on!
These are just a few of the changes that have been happening lately. I’m embracing them.
It’s more than easy to let minor set backs in your fitness or weight shove you down. I’ve let it happen to me way too many times. Hope is not lost. Decide to pick yourself up and start fresh from that day forward. You are worth it.
I’ve been loving all your tips lately – especially the ones you left on my I Want To Quit post!
So tell me – how do you bust through a fitness or running rut?
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