I love shopping. I love new clothes. I love getting dressed up. I love decorating our house. I love looking at new houses. I want. I want. I want.
At the beach I don’t want. I don’t care what I look like or how many days it’s been since I washed my hair. I don’t care what the person next to me looks like or find it interesting what brand of bathing suit they are wearing. I don’t people watch.
I just am. I am at peace. I love the waves. The sand. I don’t want to compete. I want to run to appreciate running. I want to walk simply because I can.
I wear clothes that have holes in them and love them. My nice clothes don’t even get unpacked. I wear a scarf not because it fits some sort of look that I like but because I don’t want my neck to get chilly on a walk. I throw on a t-shirt and don’t mind that my bathing suit dyes part of it hot pink – it’s only a shirt and I don’t care about material things at the beach.
Sitting on the beach I thought about my goals in life and how they have changed over the years. I realized that it’s easy to get caught up in the rat race in life – always doing – always trying to be better – wanting to be successful. But what is success and who defines it? If you are the richest woman on the planet does it make you the happiest when you die? If you are someone important in your specific field but you spent no time with your family making memories – does your so called importance matter?
I know I’ll always have goals in life but maybe they will become simplier? I don’t want to compete with others. I don’t want to feel a twinge of *oh I wish that had been me that got to do that* – I want to live a life where I am ALWAYS happy for others. Where I bite my tongue if I have nothing nice to say. A life where I forgive over and over even if I don’t feel like the person deserves it. A life where I don’t stress about how many people like me or how many friends I have. In the end as long as my three kids love me and I feel that I have lived as a good person – then I am happy. Just as I don’t need to be the fastest girl in a group – I don’t need to be the most popular. I want to enjoy my life a little more. Stress a little less. Spend more quality time making memories with my little people rather than just taking care of them. I want to dwell on what I do have rather than what I don’t have. I want to let things go in one ear and out the other. I want to forget about mean words slung at me and only remember the kind ones. I want people to remember me as someone who cared deeply and passionately about others.
I pray that in this journey I will know who are the people, places and the jobs I should hold on to and who are the ones who I should let go.
I have been home for 24 hours and I’m already missing life at the Outer Banks. The beach changes me….one day I will live near one….one day…..
Does the beach make you analyze your life? Is it the water? The sand? The way of life?