Friday morning I set out to do a long run.

The longest run I’ve done recently has been 12 miles, I had all but given up on running Marine Corps Marathon, even just for fun and I promise I was really OK with not running.

Eric said I should just TRY to run long. Secretly I wanted to, but part of me was afraid of failing, so I didn’t want to make it seem like that had been my plan all along {in an effort to finish Vegas Marathon & Honolulu Marathon with my 26Strong Cadet}. I looked up how long it was to Reston, and decided to do a point to point run from my house and have him pick me up meet me for lunch. I thought I was doing a 15 mile run, which was only 3 more than I had run earlier in the week, so I was certain I wasn’t going to fail in this long run attempt – both mentally and physically. When I hit 14 miles and realized that there was no way I was only a mile away from my intended finish line, I seriously started to feel exhausted{apparently I can not read properly}. I had no idea what pace I was running, but was fairly certain that every mile I had run with exception of maybe the first was in the 9’s. I cursed myself for doing 80 minutes of spin and 2 faster miles the day before. In an attempt to push out the negativity that was creeping in I tried to convince myself that it’s good to do long runs on dead legs – makes you stronger come race day.

15 miles turned into 16 miles turned into 17 miles.

At 17 I was tired but could have kept going, which made my heart feel happy. Maybe I’m not out? Maybe I could run MCM for fun. I did it at Boston, why can’t I do it now? I think what has really been getting in my way is my own pride. I’ve NEVER had a good race at Boston. I knew going in to this years race it was going to be a suffer fest with a slow time – I hadn’t trained properly – I was going through a rough patch and had just moved the week before. I didn’t care how I ran only that I ran – it was a marathon to me – THE BOSTON MARATHON.

Marine Corps…..maybe deep down inside I care? Maybe knowing that I have had so many great races at MCM makes me scared of having a bad race?

I really love marathons and I REALLY love Marine Corps Marathon so part of me feels/knows that I should just run. Run even if it’s hard, even if it’s slower – because marathons are what I do – they almost feel like who I am. The ups, the downs, the happiness, the sadness, the pulling from the deepest part of your body to keep moving when you want to give up and quit. They have helped me in my every day life since 2003. I’m not afraid or embarrassed to admit that in a way I need them. If you too feel like you need them, you understand this. If a marathon is just a run to you and nothing more, well then you will think I’m crazy, insane or addicted to need something like a 26.2 mile race.

I’ve decided that IF I can run 20 miles this weekend – I’ll run Marine Corps……it won’t be the fastest, but on that day I know it won’t matter to me one single bit. It’s not a pre-race excuse or a cop out – it’s me being realistic about my abilities at this moment in time.

Oh and the 17 miles I thought I was running in the 9’s. Turns out I ran an average of 8:16. I may be down but I am not out.

17 Miles 2014

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