Being honest is something I take pride in. It gets me in trouble often, but I am not a people pleaser. In fact quite the opposite. I feel like a real friend tells it like it is. That people value honesty. They do to a certain point…….
The older I get the more I try to keep my mouth shut for this reason……it’s HARD to do because I LOVE to talk.
I have this friend – I won’t say her name – but I love her. Like literally love her. We don’t hang out all that often because she has kids and a crazy life of her own but every single time I come away from hanging out with her refreshed. She knows me. She knows I am brutally honest and instead of agreeing with me or getting annoyed with me – she points out – have you considered this? She always makes me think…..she doesn’t get mad that I am a loud mouth or that often I am selfish and speak before I think. She just takes it in stride and helps me. Does she know she does this? I don’t know…..
I cry every time I hang out with her and each and every time I promise her that I do not cry all the time. I cry because I feel at peace. I can just be myself and not worry about what I say. WHY? Because if I say something to offend her she won’t let it stew and tell me about it weeks later. IN the exact moment I say the stupid sentence – she will say right back to me that it offended her, or it was dumb, or for me to look at it a different way. I love this about her.
She has made me realize over the past year or so that it’s important to make sure that you are giving to your friends and not always taking. I take a ton. It’s not physical things – it’s not even help – I take from them emotionally.
I’m always having some drama in my life – real or not.
My husband says I love drama – that I thrive in it. I don’t. I hate it. It makes me want to stay at home in my PJ’s all day just so I won’t offend anyone.
Yes I said it – I get upset when I offend people…..people I know or don’t know. I have this wierd childhood insecurity that I have never been able to outgrow. I want everyone to like me. I know it makes no sense….to on one hand care what people think, but to also just be me and say what I want to say.
I thought about this today on the treadmill. Why do I care if everyone likes me? Then I thought about some people that I don’t care for. They have never done anything to me – they are nice people – but I just don’t care for them. I guess this is how some people feel about me…..
It’s a goal in my 30th year to be more bad a$$ and what I mean by this is that I just want to let the S*H*I*T roll off my back. I want to not care so much….if that even makes sense.
This friend – who gets me sent me this article – http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html – if you are a parent – read it. I feel like this woman is writing about my life.
I love my kids with all my heart and soul but DARN if this isn’t the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
Running helps me remember moments with my kids…..it helps me be calm enough to handle their antics….
This afternoon we made brownies which was totally awesome until they both broke down crying because they wanted to pour the batter [which I was going to let them do, but apparently I wasn’t doing it fast enough]. I wanted to pull my hair out and was cursing the fact that I thought making brownies together was a good idea. But this picture was a moment….a moment in time I’ll treasure……
Running keeps me sane……..what about you? Do you think you are a better parent or friend on days you have run?