Being honest is something I take pride in. It gets me in trouble often, but I am not a people pleaser. In fact quite the opposite. I feel like a real friend tells it like it is. That people value honesty. They do to a certain point…….

The older I get the more I try to keep my mouth shut for this reason……it’s HARD to do because I LOVE to talk.

I have this friend – I won’t say her name – but I love her. Like literally love her. We don’t hang out all that often because she has kids and a crazy life of her own but every single time I come away from hanging out with her refreshed. She knows me. She knows I am brutally honest and instead of agreeing with me or getting annoyed with me – she points out – have you considered this? She always makes me think…..she doesn’t get mad that I am a loud mouth or that often I am selfish and speak before I think. She just takes it in stride and helps me. Does she know she does this? I don’t know…..

I cry every time I hang out with her and each and every time I promise her that I do not cry all the time. I cry because I feel at peace. I can just be myself and not worry about what I say. WHY? Because if I say something to offend her she won’t let it stew and tell me about it weeks later. IN the exact moment I say the stupid sentence – she will say right back to me that it offended her, or it was dumb, or for me to look at it a different way. I love this about her.

She has made me realize over the past year or so that it’s important to make sure that you are giving to your friends and not always taking. I take a ton. It’s not physical things – it’s not even help – I take from them emotionally.

I’m always having some drama in my life – real or not.

My husband says I love drama – that I thrive in it. I don’t. I hate it. It makes me want to stay at home in my PJ’s all day just so I won’t offend anyone.

Yes I said it – I get upset when I offend people…..people I know or don’t know. I have this wierd childhood insecurity that I have never been able to outgrow. I want everyone to like me. I know it makes no sense….to on one hand care what people think, but to also just be me and say what I want to say.

I thought about this today on the treadmill. Why do I care if everyone likes me? Then I thought about some people that I don’t care for. They have never done anything to me – they are nice people – but I just don’t care for them. I guess this is how some people feel about me…..

It’s a goal in my 30th year to be more bad a$$ and what I mean by this is that I just want to let the S*H*I*T roll off my back. I want to not care so much….if that even makes sense.

 

This friend – who gets me sent me this article – http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html – if you are a parent – read it. I feel like this woman is writing about my life.

I love my kids with all my heart and soul but DARN if this isn’t the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

Running helps me remember moments with my kids…..it helps me be calm enough to handle their antics….

This afternoon we made brownies which was totally awesome until they both broke down crying because they wanted to pour the batter [which I was going to let them do, but apparently I wasn’t doing it fast enough]. I wanted to pull my hair out and was cursing the fact that I thought making brownies together was a good idea. But this picture was a moment….a moment in time I’ll treasure……

Yes cat ears are needed to make brownies!

Running keeps me sane……..what about you? Do you think you are a better parent or friend on days you have run?

Comments

  1. Your tweet caught my eye… cute pic of the kids!

    I don’t think there is such a thing as being too honest, but I think there is such a thing as being too BRUTALLY honest.

    I have learned the hard way many many times and I keep learning it apparently, that I don’t HAVE to say everything that pops into my mouth!

    I love your sincerity, Dorothy.

  2. I can 100% absolutely and completely relate to you wanting everyone to like you. I am the same way. And even if I don’t really like someone…I still want them to like ME. I made it a 2012 goal to let things slide off my back and not care so much too! Yet, I don’t really know how to do that. It is hard to just turn it off. I look forward to reading about your attempt at this too!

  3. Cheers, girl. I know exactly what you mean and wish so badly that I didn’t care what others thought. My husband is this way, and I would love to be more like that.

    And, with snow day #2, you better believe I was looking forward to my kid going down for a nap. Sheesh.

  4. Oh God, I love this post and feel like I wrote it myself because I so relate to everything you wrote (except the last part because I don’t have kids yet)….
    I always say I hate drama but I do love controversy. But in many ways they are the same thing. I’m like you in many ways. I definitely speak my mind and I’m like your friend too in that if someone says something to offend me, I tell them. Right that second. And maybe that brings out the drama side in me but I think its better that way to not hold grudges. But over the course of my marriage, my husband has taught me that sometimes its worth it to roll with the punches and not get so frustrated so quickly. And I am always a work in progress on that one. I agree in our 30th years we should both learn to not let things bother us as much. And if people don’t like us they weren’t worth our time anyway!
    When I read that article I immediately thought of you. Being a mother of three young children is such a hard job and I give you so much credit! I love that you have running as an outlet and blogging : )

  5. Running makes me sane. I am surprised I managed to hold myself together pretty well over the past 10 weeks of very, very little running because of injury. Letting shit roll off your back is a good way to roll, too. And kids…when can we make them move out? We do have an outhouse, running water and electric in our garage. We were thinking we could move them out there by 9 or 10..

  6. I loved this article and honesty! I get so frustrated with people who pretend everything is perfect all the time. I like to hear the real truth, good, or bad! I guess that is why I like your blog! I feel a little less crazy knowing that other moms go through hard days too and none of use are perfect, just doing the best we can to raise our children, take care of ourselves, and our families! And yes, running has always keep me sane and burn off stress!

  7. I

  8. So, basically you want to be a Honey Badger this year? I love it. Be proud of who you are and don’t give a sh*t about what other people think. You are only going to be happy if you are true to yourself.

    And I think you are right about that whole “not caring for some people” thing. You can’t click with everyone, nor can you make everyone happy. Being you and accepting that they are who they are is sometimes good enough.

    And I LOVE that post you linked. I read it the other day and couldn’t agree more.

  9. Darn spazzy phone! I *heart* you :) I fully support your “don’t care so much plan…so much healthier!

  10. I love your honesty:-) So many people are afraid to share what they think and believe because they are worried about what others think of them. I think that’s why your tweet from yesterday had such an affect: deep down people are really worried about what others think. So when they read your tweet, the immediately thought ‘She talking about ME!?” How dare she?! But, it sounds like you weren’t speaking to anyone specific just venting. We all need to vent. We all need to be honest about how we REALLY feel. We all need to be more REAL. If we keep it in, bottle it up, that’s when things go really wrong. Keep speaking your mind:-)

  11. Your complete honesty is why so many people love you! You say what other’s don’t want to! I am the same way, saying before my head filters it. There are only a few people that can go with it, some don’t like it. I have come to the conclusion that people that don’t speak the truth all the time aren’t honey badgers! You and T are probably the best honey badgers of all!

  12. oh i so want to hug you right now! I completely understand! I too attempt the cooking with my kids and then wonder WHY when they all end up crying and screaming on the floor. I envisioned motherhood completely different than it is and it so nice to read that other moms feel the same way sometimes.

    I used to run for weight loss. Now I run/workout for sanity!

    PS: the woman who wrote that article is local to us! I want to run over and hug her too! :)

  13. Weird…a really amazing friend of mine sent me that same article :) were both very lucky :)

  14. Definitely! Running keeps me sane and happy and patient! I need running to help me be a better mom!

  15. I feel like you were writing about me! I. am. the. same. way. I shoot my mouth off and am super opinionated and take way too much emotionally from my friends. And then, I want everyone to like me and want to shoot myself when I offend someone! Or I hear that someone thinks I’m dramatic, annoying or crazy. My goal needs to be the same as yours! I love you!

  16. Those moments with the kids are a bear. It takes so much work to have fun and create those moments with them but I always think its worth it (My husband always disagrees in the beginning but changes his mind when he sees the end result later- in pics usually). I always try to laugh and be silly grouchy when they get fussy-helps break the tension. And the people not liking you thing gets easier as you get older.

  17. I totally get it! Love my kids with all my heart but at the same time parenting is dang hard and find myself pulling my hair out. I had to laugh at the cooking story. I try to bake often with my kids and I get this image that everyone is having fun and it’s joyful. It ends up with the kids fighting over who gets to do what or being impatient with the process. I get frustrated & then why I thought it would be fun. And yes, I run and exercise for my sanity. That is when I can think through my frustrations and also remember the good moments.

  18. Stella has the exact same cat ears at Chloe!!! Love those little bakers of yours, even if they cry over pouring batter.

  19. I totally understand where you are coming from. I always say that when I turned 30 things became more clear. I work to put my best foot forward everyday although that is sometimes a challenge.

    I have drastically increased my running in the past 2+ years and it has, hands down, made me a better person. In actuality, I was originally using it to escape some negativity and to cope with some personal issues at the time. I used running to let loose and take some time for me. Those issues have since resolved themselves and I still use running to let loose. I guess you can say that it has a different purpose for me now.

    I hope that you find the same things I did when I turned 30. Yes, I still care what people think on some level but it’s a fleeting thought. I’ve broken “friendships” with people who I thought were friends but who really weren’t – and whose company I didn’t really enjoy anyway. I’m better off for it in the long run! No pun intended, of course. 😉

  20. I, too, have a friend who makes me stop and think! When I am whining and complaining about someone she’ll say, “oh, I feel for her. She must be really depressed.” It’s amazing how she considers the source of the problem while I’m just looking at the symptoms.

    I’m also a say-whatever-comes-into-my-head kinda person, so it takes a lot of effort and energy to think first. But, like you, I care what people think about me. And you know what? I don’t think that’s a bad thing! I think it would be hard to change. After all, you are who you are.

    I do think that, in this crazy social media world, we have to stop and think before we type because it’s just too easy for comments to be misconstrued. After all, many readers don’t know us and can’t say, like my friend does, “oh, she must be having a bad day.” They’re more likely to say, “wow, she’s a %^#%*!”

    I never make food with my kids. Stresses me out waaay too much! So you’re better than me for just trying!

  21. Amazing post and thanks for sharing the article. I needed that reminder. Parenting is HARD! I am tired and stressed and feel I am doing a lousy job on so many days. I always knew running was my release and helped me be a better mom but still felt guilty for pushing my kid around or sneaking out of the bed early or dragging her to the gym.

    Ironically, last night I was thinking things have been “calmer” between me and darling daughter recently. Not perfect but calmer. Is it a temporary thing or is it a result of me running at least a mile each day? I think the latter, that taking that moment for me is allowing me to be calmer when the storms hit….at that keeps the storms calmer.

  22. I love honest posts, especially honest posts about “motherhood.” I do hope you can reach the point where you don’t care about what others think anymore. It’s awesome. I’m SO there!!!!

    Parenting is hard. So, so, so, so hard. And it feels like it doesn’t get any easier as they get older. The challenges may become less physical-like when you are finally able to wean and not have your baby rely completely on your body for FOOD, you are getting more sleep, etc….Yet my kids are reaching school age, and it is *always* something. My 8-year old son has been in the WORST mood for 2-3 days because one of us (me or daddy) managed to throw away his “free homework passes.” Good grief. He can not seem to move forward from this.

    And forget about having 3 little boys get along. There is not 10 solid minutes that goes by when they are all together that they aren’t tattling/hitting/bickering/not sharing something. It is completely exhausting.

    How’s that for honesty?

    I love them. I am proud of them. I know they have big things in store for them, and I *can’t wait* to see the men that they grow into…

    But yeah, it’s like 90% hard work and 10% joy. You just have to savor the 10%! That’s where all the cute pictures come into play!!! 😉 I try to take lots of pictures too.

  23. *Oh, and let me add that we “accidentally” threw away the homework passes because they were placed in an inappropriate location and not tucked away where they should have been.

    Even after I asked the teacher for new ones (she declined citing it was his responsibility to keep track of them) and making a peace offering of Dairy Queen yesterday (he REFUSED)…. Nada. Still bitter!!

    You can’t win for trying!

  24. Mile Posts By Dorothy Beal says:

    Allison – this is HILARIOUS. Does the teacher have kids? How this for accidentally throwing away something. My husband doesn’t wear a wedding ring because I accidentally threw it away. NO JOKE. He was painting and attached it to his car keys and then placed it in his pocket. Then when he removed said paint jeans he left them in the wash sink in our laundry room for days. I was annoyed one day and rather than thinking rationally and checking the pockets I just threw the pants away thinking I didn’t want them to ruin my washer. Two days later he asked where the pants were. I proudly informed him I had thrown them away and he informed me that I tossed his WEDDING RING and 2nd set of car keys. UGHHHHHHHHH. To this day I can’t live it down and we still haven’t gone and bought another ring. SIGH.

  25. GAH to wedding ring/keys!!!! Hey now… You do the wash, he should empty the pockets before said washing! That’s how I roll. SO not your fault! It’s an equal opportunity house thing, baby.

    No, Evan’s teacher doesn’t have any kids (or a husband). God love her. She’s sort of a “cat lady” if you know what I mean. 😉

  26. I have found I am too honest as well; it’s funny because people don’t expect an honest answer. I have gotten better but am still working on this as well. My mom is like your friend; in fact my mom is one of my best friends. However, not many people are like your friend, I would like to meet some more people like your friend. Running does help keep me sane. I feel I’m a much more relaxed person after I run which makes me a better friend, mom and wife.

  27. you wrote this for me, i swear!! i get in trouble at work for being too direct, but i don’t know how else to be or why i’d want to be different…yet I get so upset when someone doesn’t like what i said, not that it means I didn’t mean it!

    my husband has been a great help in allowing me to see that it’s not worth worrying about everyone all the time

  28. Great post! really honest as usual!

  29. God is the glue that keeps things together. Running gives me alone time, which leads me to communion with God. Running and praying go hand in hand for me. It’s imperative that I run.

  30. Are you living my life? It certainly feels that way! I am constantly offending people with what comes out of my mouth without meaning to. I told my mom the other day that I am like the bull in the china shop. Not meaning to tear everything down, but doing it anyway. I don’t know how people get through the day without some me time. Those rough days, I can’t get out the door fast enough. I’m so glad I found running, otherwise, there is no telling what kind of parent I would be.

  31. That was an awesome article you had link for. Totally. Also, being “brutally honest” did me lots of damage, but also left people that mean something to me around, and I am grateful. Like Darwin’s evolution. The others are not bad at all by any means, just not working for me (and I don’t work for them). Life is good. Be honest. As you get older, keep asking why you want “everybody” like you. I did. I don’t, anymore. For that I am grateful to aging:) And great job on 20 next post!

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