Today I ran for only the 4th time since marathon #24. 4 easy treadmill miles.

My 1st run back was an easy 3, followed by an easy 4 the next day.

Saturday I ran 6 miles outside. I needed to feel like a runner again and feel the fresh air in my lungs.

I needed to consider all that has happened in the past 6 months or so.

There are things we can control and things we can’t control.

My health lately has felt like one of those things lately that no matter how much I try to control it, I can’t.

After Christmas I came down with the flu. It knocked me out. My first race of the year was more of a shuffle as I found myself unable to push hard. I had to be happy with an average I haven’t seen in a short race in a long time.

After that race Colton and I were laying in bed snuggling and resting together. He flung back and accidentally hit my face – HARD. It hurt more than anything I’ve ever felt before. As I cried I felt like something was broken and knew it wasn’t just me being a baby or feeling sorry for myself.

I had a black eye for over a month and still feel pain in my face. I have swelling that comes and goes around the cheek bone he hit.

The past three months have given me runs that felt more of a chore than something I loved to do.

Every breath on most runs has felt labored. I struggled to understand why I couldn’t just push through.

Before marathon #24 the swelling in my face seemed to hurt more and I was convinced I had a sinus infection and went to the Dr for meds. I was put on antibiotics for 10 days.

I came to the starting line of B & A Marathon not feeling strong, not feeling myself, but I am used to pushing through and decided I wanted to race despite the signs my body was giving me.

By mile 5 I knew something was more than off, but I pushed through. By mile 10 I fought off tears and wondered why the guys running directly behind me could carry on easy conversations whereas I felt like I was racing a 10K despite only seeing paces that resembled those that were on target for marathon pace.

At mile 12 I saw my husband. The guys with me told my husband I was doing great and was in first. While I simultaneously told him I couldn’t breathe normal and something was wrong.

He told me to push through, marathons hurt. I told him this wasn’t normal marathon hurt and I wanted to quit. He convinced me to go on and to just slow up the pace. I did, but it didn’t help. I still felt off and wanted the day to be over.

I ended up finishing the race, because of him. Had I been alone I would have quit and in hindsight I’m glad he convinced me to finish. I would have been more mad to have my first DNF than any time on the clock could have made me.

After the race I went to the Dr and told her the pain my face was too much. She sent me for an X-Ray. It revealed that I might have a possible fracture but that I needed to have a CT Scan with contrast to be sure.

I had the CT scan which revealed that II did not have a fracture.

The Dr told me I had sinusitis and that I may have had it for months. They gave me another round of 10 days of antibiotics, just stronger.

Today I sit here after two rounds of antibiotics, still with pain in my face from where Colton accidentally hit me and still with sinusitis.

It’s not the end of the world. Eventually I will figure out what is going on.

It doesn’t, however seem any less frustrating. I’ve been giving my body a break from running regularly to help it heal.

It’s not healing.

In the past 4 months I’ve come to realize that wheat, gluten {I was already aware of this but not to the extent that it now bothers me}, corn and dairy all hurt my stomach more than they should. My fatigue that I attribute to my Gilbert’s Syndrome is getting worse.

I want answers.

I want to know what is going on with my body. What is it trying to tell me and how do I fix it?

Tomorrow I meet with another dr to have blood drawn to see if it tells me something.

Thursday I meet with an ENT to see if he can figure out the pain in my face and to see if there is something I can do to get rid of this sinusitis since antibiotics don’t seen to be working.

I’m frustrated. I’m tired of not feeling like myself and I’m tired of not writing or running the way I want to because it just makes me even more frustrated.

I feel at war with my body.

It’s not a nice feeling.

When I feel off in life. I run.

The balancing effect it gives me is temporarily gone. I want it back.

Needless to say marathon #25 is not going to happen in May. Figuring this stuff out is more important to me than tallying up another marathon finish.

I know it will happen. I know I will run another marathon this year and I know in my heart I will feel good again. When I’m not sure. There are things I can control and there are things I can’t control and I’m slowly learning which are which.

Today on the Saucony Blog is a post I wrote after my 22nd marathon. It was a good reminder that even though I feel low now – I can push through. I am not a quitter and this is just a speed bump on the road of life. http://blog.saucony.com/inspiration/marathon-life-lessons/

SONY DSC

Have you hit some speed bumps in your life? How did you react to them? How did you overcome them?

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Comments

  1. #rage

    I have nothing else to add, except that I’ll commiserate with you anytime.

  2. Hi Dorothy – has your doctor suggested you may have a deviated septum? I’ve struggled with similar issues to yours plus severe allergies for almost 5 years and have just found out the problems may be due to a deviated septum. There is a minor outpatient surgical procedure that can correct it, although I understand it is a painful recovery. All the best to you!

  3. She hasn’t but maybe the ENT dr will know more since it’s his specialty. How did you figure out you had a deviated septum? :) off I go to google what that is…..

  4. I just saw my ENT last week and she suggested it, but I’m going to get a CT scan this week to confirm. Your ENT should definitely be able to confirm it during the exam. Good luck!

  5. That is such a bummer :( Hopefully you’ll get to the bottom of what’s going on, it’s easily treatable and you can start to feel better.

  6. I feel for you. Twelve years ago, I had a somewhat similar experience. Sinus surgery to remove polyps and allergy shots helped me tremendously. However, you might try checking your thyroid levels. Sluggish exhaustedness is often a symptom of underactive thyroid. It is a simple blood test whose results could help you feel better.

  7. I’m really sorry to hear all this. It can be rough when it seems like one thing just keeps piling on top of another and then, inevitably, your body can’t deal with that either. Sinusitis is rough – my sister got a surgery to like clear out her nasal cavities because she had permanent sinus problems. Good luck!

  8. I’m so sorry you are feeling bad, but I am SO glad you posted this today. I needed it. I’m not an “awesome” runner by any stretch of the imagination, but I still need it for my sanity and am proud of my achievements. My daughter is 8 months old. First came the sleep deprivation, and then two months ago she started daycare and began bringing home all kinds of germs. My family hasn’t all been feeling well at the same time for WEEKS. I thought we were finally on an upswing, only to find myself knocked out with tonsillitis and a sinus infection today. Coupled with what I think is a little postpartum anxiety, and I despair that I will ever feel “normal” again. I’ve accepted that, not only will I not be able to run the Half Marathon I wanted to run in 3 weeks, but I might not even be able to put decent effort into the 10K. Not to whine all over your post or anything :) I just wanted to say, your blog has always inspired me, and you seem to have eerie timing and post EXACTLY what I need to hear, when I need to hear it. Your faith and persevenance speak to me. You WILL figure out what’s wrong, heal, and achieve all your dreams. And so will I :)

  9. A few years ago I was sick with 14 sinus infections in a row. I would start to get healthy and then bam got another one. I was on as much medicine as they could put me on and nothing was working. I then got allergy shots and realized that was where the real issue was. Even though it may not seem like it now you will get better. It might take time to figure out whats wrong but it will happen. Stay strong girl!

  10. I will send out a huge prayer for your healing! Every time I’ve been sick/injured, it’s usually God’s way of telling me to SLOW DOWN! In hindsight, I’m very appreciative of those times (even thought they freakin’ suck in the moment!). I’ve discovered lots of cross training and weight lifting things I enjoy in those times of injury.

  11. I’ve been struggling with undiagnosed (not for lack of trying) health issues for almost 3 years now so I hear you when you say you’re at war with your body. It’s really frustrating to not know what’s going on but to know that something is just not right and to not feel like yourself. I hope you can get it figured out!

  12. Thinking about you and hoping you feel back to yourself soon and get the answers you need. xo

  13. That sounds rough :( I hope you find answers soon and I definitely would try a paleo kind of eating for a while to see if it makes a difference.

  14. Joanna says:

    I second the suggestion to have your thyroid levels checked – I’ve recently been diagnosed as low thyroid and have many similar symptoms, but because I was “borderline” and tested negative for antibodies (so not Hashimoto’s, etc.) I chose to explore a homeopathic means of treatment, since I avoid Rx at all costs. Turns out, many of the food sensitivities you mention – gluten, dairy – often lead to low thyroid production. Also soy can really have an impact, fwiw. Good luck solving the mystery, Dorothy – I know 1st hand how frustrating it can be and hope you feel like yourself again soon.

  15. Elizabeth says:

    Dorothy,
    Thank you for posting this! I’ve felt like someone out there in the universe just doesn’t want me to run for a few months now and it’s been so frustrating! I thought I was finally back on track last week and then after 3 good runs I took a pretty bad spill while running and I’m not sure when I’ll be back at it again. And I was just starting to build back some fitness! Just know there are a lot of us out there with you and you’ll get past it soon. I read on Hungry Runner Girl the other day a post about her being injured and being really boosted by a passage in a book called Mile Markers that said, “I am a runner. This has nothing whatsoever to do with race results, placings, PRs, split times, training programs, gender, age, racing schedule, weekly mileage or pace bands. This has to do with something deep, something tender, something profound, something powerful, and something untouchable about who we are in our hearts. …..you are still, and always, a runner.” That really helped pick me up! You will get your health stuff figured out. And then you will run again the way you want to. Here’s hoping that all happens sooner than later!

  16. Kristi says:

    I certainly hope you get some clear answers soon! I can only imagine the level of frustration you must be experiencing :-(

  17. I’m so sorry Dorothy. I’ve had times in my life like this too. You need to find the right doctor, one who will look at every detail of your body, a full blood work pannel. Have you had your thyroid, hormones and Vit. D levels checked? Just keep pushing the doctors until you get the right answer, if you don’t get the right answer try a new doctor. If someone takes your blood ask to see the results. I wish I were there to do this for you, because I remember feeling so tired and unmotivated that I could barely move let alone be proactive. I spent 3 years finding the right Dr., but now that I found him, I feel like a completely new person. I know this sounds gross, but I take a Tablespoon of Apple Cider vinegar with water to help boost my immune system. Keeping your body alkaline is essential for you right now. Look up on You Tube a study done by a Johns Hopkins dr. when he treated his paient with Goji Berry juice (this causes the blood to become alkaline, so vinegar has a similar effect) I could go on and on, but I want you know if you need help, please let me know. I’ll do what I can from here. Hang in there, you are a fighter and you must push through this and get some answers.

  18. Rene' says:

    Dorothy, I am wondering about your iron too? Sometimes you can have the symptoms you are describing with low iron. I am going to say a prayer for you to be better soon. I am missing all of your posts.

  19. I’m sorry that you haven’t felt well. I know how it feels to not “be on the same page” with your body. It sucks. It makes me feel out of control and like I don’t have my life together.

    Regarding your issues coming back from your face-smack from the little one:
    It’s possible you had a concussion. I played basketball in college and one sign that we had a concussion after a head/face trauma was fatigue and exhaustion and generally just not feeling yourself. Concussions can take 3-4 weeks to heal sometimes, so perhaps you’ve got lingering effects from that.

    I hope you feel better & just remember, this too shall pass

  20. Thinking of you and hoping that you find answers ASAP so that you can heal and nourish your mind and body! Stay strong, positive, and know that you are surrounded by an amazing support system. Thank you for sharing this! XOXO

  21. hang in there DTB you’ll beat this! i hate you’re going through it but it really helped me because i’m going through a similar issue. hip/back pain that no one can figure out or fix. have only ran about 10 miles a month out from my first full. YUCK. i just want to get back to me, so i know how you feel!

  22. Oh Dorothy, I am so sorry! I can understand feeling at war with your body. After this second pregnancy I’ve had some serious issues with my pelvic floor. Despite having really smooth and relatively easy deliveries, my body was not ready to run when I thought it was and I ended up taking months off so that my pelvic floor could recover after having Jack. It was so frustrating because every part of my body felt good…except that one area. I was in PT for a long time and now am much stronger and back to running. I agree with a lot of the other comments, you should have thyroid checked etc. And keep searching for a Dr. who will give you answers.

  23. I have been There, my Friend…
    http://www.sherunswild.com/2013/01/slow.html

    may you have all you need – including that Run!!

  24. You have basically just explained what the past 6 months have felt like for me. Be happy you didnt have fuse 4 bones together… U will feel better and be just as superstar amazing as u were b4… I am so happy I found your blog. I wore my I run this body shirt on my journey from Trinidad to Houston….and everyone LOVED it. You are MY inspiration. Maybe we can run a half together….once I can run (fingers crossed – 1 month) Can u tell Im counting the seconds??? lol

    xoxo from Trinidad

  25. hang in there girl! life has peaks and valleys, but after every barren lowly valley is a peak worth the fight and worth fighting for. had a year like this last year with running and life in general. it was tough, but after quite a few ugly moments where my character was tested more than it ever had been i learned a few lessons and have come out stronger. you’re a tough chick, and one very very speedy lady and hose legs still have plenty more quick miles in them. take care of yourself!

  26. Keep your chin up; keep smiling; keep you cut kiddos close by; and continue to take walks outside to find some purple flowers :)
    Things will get better; sorry you’re going through a rough patch — but you’re still an inspiration to so many of your readers — so thank you for being that!!

  27. i totally understand! i am presently in a boot and while i know what is going on, it drives me nuts that i cant run, cant walk right even, cant do anything really. i can swim but i am not much of a swimmer… working on it. anyway, point is, it sucks and i understand. you will get it sorted out. i have faith in you and a lot of support for you as you are an inspiration to many of us.

  28. Boston Joe says:

    I don’t know what part of the country you live in, but almost everyone in Texas went through a viral infection that lasted close to 2 months. My mom is going through it now in Missouri. Symptoms are low energy, can’t breathe, and always feel tired. All my runs January-February were a chore and not fun. My dr. gave me steroid shot to boost my immune system and some kind of nasal spray that took care of it. If that’s what you have it will go away eventually, just takes time. Hoping it’s not something else.

  29. Amanda says:

    I agree that this could be an issue with a deviated septum. Three years ago I had a lot of sinus issues as well as acid reflux. Antibiotics would relive some of the problem, but it would always be lingering.
    It was discovered I had a deviated septum after getting a scan. The surgery is outpatient and recovery is quick. I wouldn’t say it is painful, more so uncomfortable. It is your nose, and breathing after all… An ENT should be able to determine this fairly quickly.

  30. I have had to battle back from injuries.
    I have injured my right quad and adductor,
    Had to go to physical therapy and take pain pills and gradually work my way back

  31. I really, truly believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I even wear the A&A bracelet that says so every day! Even ugly, crummy stuff like injuries and not feeling well is with reason on some level. I hope that you feel better soon, even if that reason isn’t revealed to you. You’re an amazing, strong woman and it will get better. xo

  32. I need to get that A&A bracelet to help me remember. Easy to know in your heart when something good thing happens – hard to remember when you are frustrated!! xoxo

  33. Back in July, I suddenly lost my ability to walk fast let alone run. Everything in my hips locked up and refused to move. I was training for Des Moines but I could only get through 4 miles one day and then barely a mile the next. I’d take a day off, do yoga, try again, but I didn’t get better. Meanwhile, the pain was descending into my knees, shins, and ankles despite all efforts to RICE and stretch. I saw a physical therapist who said my hip adducters had become too tight, my IT bands were too tight, and I had been compensating for not using my glutes in my strides. It took two months of therapy to unclench everything. I had to give up Des Moines where my twin sister qualified for Boston. But I owned it, learned how my body worked, stayed faithful to my core and balance exercises, and I became a faster runner. There’s beauty in the breakdown.

  34. Dorothy, I do not like reading all of this. I hope you find out what is going on. I had an undiagnosed thyroid issue for 6 years, I went to doctors for years with all my symptoms, and they blamed everything on running, instead of taking a simple blood test. So annoying. Demand hey test you! Dry skin (which could br causing he rashes), weight gain (sometime water weight), bloated looking, poor recovery, muscle aches, extreme fatigue. It’s extremely common n women, and sometimes it can be fluctuating, so you feel better one day vs another. As runners, sometimes the symptoms aren’t visible to doctors, so they dismiss it. Hair loss or brittle hair. Mine kept getting worse and the doctor just told me to stop running. Huge jerk, I thought I was a hypochondriac. Next doctor told me I should’ve been in a coma with a 289 tsh level.

    Anyway, if you haven’t had it tested and ruled out, I would demand it. I hope you feel better and find the cause of all these ailments!

  35. JennyV says:

    I am sorry you are dealing with all of these health issues — however, I am happy that you are taking time to listen to your body. It seems that you have been very mindful of eating whole foods and removing any that may be causing your body distress. Keep at it — it will be worth it!
    Also, have you ever thought about going to a chiropractor? I would recommend a MaximizedLiving doctor — not sure if you have one in your area, but you can find out by searching on their website. They focus on corrective spinal care. If you have any problems with your nervous system, they can be related to pressure being on your nerves. I say this because I have seen 100s of people get healthy from their ailments as my husband is a DC himself.
    Good luck to you and will keep you in my prayers.

  36. So sorry you are in such a frustrating situation. Your title really says it all. If you don’t currently practice yoga, you may want to give it a try. The breathing techniques you practice can be a big help with sinus issues, plus it can help turn off the stress switch, which leaves your immune system really over-worked and unable to fight off disease and infection. If nothing else, it definitely won’t hurt anything. Hope you figure it out and snap back quick

  37. From December 2010 to July 2012, I had a debilitating back injury that kept me from running. Or moving. Or doing anything other than being miserable. Eventually I got the treatment I needed and sloooowly started running again in August. To say that the past few months of getting back into it — and doing more than I did before that point — have been hard would be an understatement. But I feel like me again. You will feel like you again. I will be thinking of you while you sort all of this out.

    Keep us updated.

  38. I can’t imagine how frustrating this must be! I had stomach issues a few years back and finally had to get a ton of testing to get to the bottom of it. It’s scary and as a mom, you don’t have time to be sick!! It’s hard for people (that don’t run) to understand how that can be your escape, and when you take that away, it’s like taking a little piece of your heart! I am sure that you will get answers and be able to move forward. In those terrible months I had, I prayed, leaned on family and friends, and tried to take the best possible care of myself (while taking care of 4 little crazies)….it’s difficult, but I’m sure you can do it! Good luck!!

  39. Hi Dorothy,

    I am saddened to hear that you are going through such a tough and frustrating time. I hope everything works out quickly for you, and commend you for taking the time to learn about what’s happening. As all runners can attest, that is not an easy decision to make.

    I know it won’t make you feel better, but as many others have said in their comments, I can commiserate. I have also felt at war with my body recently… I struggled through training for my first marathon, an experience I was so looking forward to, but did not live up to my expectations due to illness, injury, and stress. Now, I’m dealing with an overuse injury that forced me to take quite a bit of time off. This week, I could finally run again, but instead of being happy that I could lace up my shoes and move my legs, I felt disappointed that I could barely make it through 3 miles or that I couldn’t hold paces that were once my recovery targets. It’s disheartening, but your post is a good reminder to take a step back, be proud of what has been accomplished, and do everything possible to ensure I remain healthy and can keep running for a long, long time.

    Best of luck!

    Meg

  40. Oh man. I think I’ve only commented a few times and I just want to say I’m sorry girlfriend! I hear ya. This to shall pass is what I keep saying to myself. But meanwhile it does suck! Meh

  41. The mental part of dealing with something you cannot understand or control is just as draining. Let the runner in you continue to ask questions of your doctors and not fear a second opinion. I was diagnosed with high eye pressures right after the Chicago Marathon almost 2 years ago, and it was so dire they wanted to hospitalize me. I asked questions and spoke to another doctor, and while not altogether under control, we are working to maintain my eyesight. Running is a great way to help keep pressures down in adjunct with medicine, so in a weird way, running ended up being a bit of luck. Luck and determination to you!

  42. Mary-Ann Moerman says:

    Dear Dorothy,

    I heart you….being a runner myself, yes I had bumps on the road. And recovery is hard on a runner. You are not somebody who will settle for average, that’s why this is so hard.
    I hope you will find the answers soon ! But as been said before the mental part is so frustrating.
    It’s something you have to deal with….once you have answers…you will !

    I wish you all the wisdom and strenght and you will bounce back even stronger than you were before.
    Love,

    Mary-Ann

  43. Oh i’m soo sorry! I know you feel, i have major stomach issues this year and the doctors says all looks fine, it’s probably IBS. There is no recipe for this and it will be a long road to figure out what triggers it. Let’s hope we feel normal soon!

  44. Hello, just wanted to tell you, I loved this article.
    It was inspiring. Keep on posting!

  45. Anytime attainable, try and shade the compressor unit outside. The air that’s inside a location which is shaded is usually 5 to six degrees cooler than the surrounding air. Your air conditioning unit will probably be up to ten % a lot more efficient if it truly is correctly shaded through the summer season months.

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  1. […] I Feel At War With My Body via Mile Posts because I think we’ve all felt like this, in one way, shape, or form, at one time or another.  I know I have. […]

  2. […] in the year I wrote a post about feeling at war with my body.{http://www.mile-posts.com/2013/04/i-feel-at-war-with-my-body.html} I wasn’t finding all the answers I needed from traditional doctors. I felt very down and […]

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