Two weekends ago I was supposed to run 20 miles on Saturday and race a 5K Sunday.
The run didn’t happen on Saturday. I didn’t run when I first woke up and I kept putting it off. Then I came up with a million and one reasons why it was everyone’s fault but my own as to why I didn’t run.
I came up with different plans in my head. Wake up at 4 am. Run 17 miles. Go to the race – run a 1 mile warm up – 3.1 race and then a 1 mile cool down. THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE.
My alarm went off early, because part of me actually believed I would actually do this hair brained plan. The other part of me knew that it was total BS that I would run a discombobulated run like that.
Eric had to run to his parents and said he would take the kids with him, so I could get the run in.
I have literal rage when he asks me how many miles I plan on running, so he knows not to ask. He asks around how many hours I think I will be running or gone for.
The rage comes from the fact that I am stressed and unsure of myself. 2013 marks 10 years of consistently running marathons. I still don’t know when I run 16+ miles how I am going to run that far on that day. My mind doubts me. My body doubts me. I doubt me.
I don’t want to fail. I don’t like failing even though I know it’s part of growth.
If I don’t say how far I want to run then there is no failing. I’m running the day and what my body gives me. I can say I hope to run 20 miles but I will see how I feel. It’s not so much of a way out but a way of not freaking my mind out.
I didn’t want to be alone outside on the trail for almost 3 hours so I opted to run on the treadmill inside. It builds up my mental endurance, which is often more important to me than my physical endurance.
The goal was to run 20.
I hit 20 and I started thinking about my fitness level. Can I possibly PR at B & A with little training this cycle. My mind said no. So I asked myself why then was I waiting on running a treadmill marathon. I’ve wanted to do it for years. Why not today?
A treadmill marathon long run may seem silly to most people. It’s not silly to me. I like doing things that make me happy and running long on a treadmill, no matter how boring, makes me happy. I’m not the type of person that can do it every day but once in awhile I love these types of runs.
When I hit 26.2 I hit pause on the treadmill, took a picture of the time, and danced alone for a moment. I was HIGH on life.
I’ve always wanted to run MORE than 26.2 so I told myself if you run only 1.8 more miles you will have run 28 miles!! Do it – Do it. I started up the treadmill and ran another 1.8. At which point I hit pause again, took a picture of the time and again did a little happy dance.
Do it. Do it. Were the only words I heard in my head.
I’ve always wanted to run my age in miles. I had planned last year to tack on an extra 3.8 miles to Boston Marathon and run 30 miles that day to celebrate turning 30. As it turns out – it was a miserable day for me and I was lucky to even finish. Time ticked on and 30 miles didn’t happen.
I started the treadmill again, ran another 2 miles, and finished 30 miles with the biggest smile on my face I’ve had in awhile.
IT WAS AWESOME.
Was it boring? Yes at times.
Why did I do this? It made me happy.
Do I think I’ve run a *real* ultra? Nope. The only thing that counts to me is race day. One day I’ll race 30 miles, but that doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate the accomplishment.
Do I want to run an ultra? Yep. I really think clearest when running long. Life just makes more sense to me in those exhausted blissful last miles of a long run or race.
Was it too long of a run before B & A? Probably but it was only 4 hours of running. When I first started training for marathons my long runs would take me 4 1/2 hours. I want to do well at B & A because it’s in my nature to give it my all, but I do not regret for a moment running 30 miles, even if that means my time is slower at B & A.
What did I watch? Dexter. I’m obsessed with the show. I jumped up and down when I saw that one of the main characters is on the cover of Women’s Running Magazine. I’m pretty sure I’ll never get sick of smiling when I think about that magazine.
Did I listen to music? YES. I grabbed the BOOM BOX I’ve had since I was around 10 years old, plugged it in, dusted it off and listened to the radio. It helped. I lost my shuffle and yurbuds – insert sad face – and just haven’t had a chance to go buy a new one yet.
For the past week, I’ve walked around with this little voice in my head saying - you ran 30 miles on a treadmill – you can do anything you put your mind to. Each and every time it’s made me smile. That’s what life is about to me. It’s about being happy. Happiness isn’t a destination as I once thought. Life is rarely perfect, things often don’t go as planned. You have to learn to ride the wave of life and just enjoy it. Don’t worry so much what others think, do what makes you really happy. On that day, last Sunday, running 30 miles on a treadmill made me really happy – SO I DID IT.
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