I’ve waited a couple of days to write about this…..

I’m not sure I have the right words and I even considered NOT writing anything. I blog because I love it but it has also become what I do as a source of income. I do not want to make money in any way off of this tragedy. I don’t want page hits. I don’t want to post this to twitter or facebook or any other social media outlet. I do however feel if I don’t say something, I am in a way not acknowledging the lives lost and those injured.

We as a family of runners are forever changed. Talking about it is helping many of us process what happened.

Mommy Boston 1

My mom – making the final turn – sheer happiness – in ten minutes she would feel sheer terror.

 

I wanted to run Boston. My husband asked me if I could take a break this year because we had a lot going on in April, so I did not sign up.

That did not mean that I didn’t want to run and that I wasn’t a little sad all Monday morning. I watched with excitement the live stream on the Internet and tried to convince myself that watching the elites was more fun than running. It wasn’t. I wanted to run.

Mommy Boston 2

I wanted to be there with my mom {she lives just outside of Boston} and I wanted to be there with my friend Jess, who was running her first Boston.

If I had run I would have finished the race and then run back to the finish line to watch my mom cross.

Minutes after finishing she turned around to take in one last glance of the finish line and enjoy yet another Boston finish. A moment later she saw the dust fill the air.

She heard screams. If you have run Boston you know that the screams down the final .2 are deafening {out of the 24 marathons I have run it is the most spectated} – she didn’t in that split second realize they were any different than what she heard every year.

Soon she realized something was not right.

When I tried to call her the lines were crossed. I got another girl on the phone. I asked where she lived and she said Boston – I said I was trying to get a hold of my mom – the lines must be crossed. She quickly said – get off the phone and try again.

My mom was sitting on a curb when I was finally able to talk to her. She could not get a hold of her significant other. They had decided rather than him being at the crowded finish line he should wait at the turn before the final stretch.

I started to panic……

I had to run to get Miles from school. I was crying and shaking while other moms tried to calm me down. I was physically unable to contain how I felt.

What I was thinking in my head was that there were more bombs and here is my mom sitting on a curb in the middle of it all. She needed to get out of there.

To make a long story short – she is fine – and I am MORE than thankful.

I’ve had nightmares every night since this tragedy. I keep imagining myself at the finish waiting for her. I hear the screams. I imagine terrible things and then I wake up and realize that though I am fine those terrible things happened.

I sit here today thankful that EVERY SINGLE last person I know is okay. It doesn’t give me peace.

I just keep asking myself Why? Why? Why?

There is no answer.

I am sad.

I know in my heart this sadness may fade but it will never go away. I still find myself thinking about the Twin Towers {I was in college in New Jersey when they fell}.

When I see a plane cross the sky on a clear blue day I get goose bumps.

I know every marathon from here on out – I will at some point think of the lives lost and those injured on April 15, 2013.

I am sad.

 

If you are looking for ways to support Boston — check out this post from Another Mother Runner — http://anothermotherrunner.com/2013/04/16/10-ways-to-support-boston/

 

Comments

  1. You were one of the first people I thought about Monday. I was pretty sure you weren’t running, but had not thought of Mama MP running again. SO glad she is okay. <3 xo

  2. I was there on Monday. I am sad too. Very sad. Thanks for sharing.

  3. Thank you for so sincerely sharing your story.

  4. Like the first commenter, you were one of the first I thought of as well. I looked you up, then came to your blog to double-check your last name. I’m so glad your mom is ok, and her SO is, too. Still can’t process.

  5. Glad to hear your mother is safe.

  6. So glad your mom is okay. It was such an unspeakable tragedy, its really hard to process the whole thing. I was telling someone the other day that my husband works in one of the new world trade buildings and that there isn’t a morning he goes to work that I don’t think of 9/11. I don’t want to give those cowards the satisfaction of having the same affect on my daily runs.

  7. I’ve been feeling the same way. First time in 5 years we didn’t go. It’s so hard.

  8. So glad to hear that your mom is safe. I am still baffled by the happenings last Monday, but so glad that the culprits have been caught. I too will always remmber on any race I run now.

  9. Today is the first day that I feel semi back to myself from the Boston Marathon. I know its going to take time. I just opened your blog and read this story, and tears streamed down my face yet again, thinking back to this painful day. I am glad that your mom and friend are ok!

  10. Thank you for sharing your story. I was relieved to read that your Mom and friends were ok. Your story brought back the lump in my throat. My husband also ran, for the first time, and we had an entire crew of supporters and other runners. Thankfully, all of us were also unharmed. A day we will never forget.

I love a good comment!

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