For every up there is a down, for every down there is an up. For every hill I run down there is another yet to climb. I will not be defeated by the valleys in my life.
|Thank you Miles for letting me run!|
There is only so much caffeine one can drink in a day, before it starts to have no affect. It’s only Tuesday but I feel like a life time has been crammed into the past two weeks. I don’t get a full nights sleep ANY night. I laugh/have irrational rage when people blog, tweet or facebook about wanting to sleep in….ahhh sleep….something I haven’t really had much of in the past 4+ years.
I wish I had this drive when I was 22.
It’s easy for me to doubt my fitness, to feel sorry for myself as I run alone on my treadmill. It’s easy for me to get wrapped up in how much easier to seems for everyone else to get in their runs and think I’m the only one struggling. I’m not the only one. It’s not always easier for everyone else.
Last Thursday I wanted to run. I wanted to do a tempo. The kids were all over the place – not napping, being very needy, etc. Hubby worked late. I got on the treadmill at night once the house was sleeping, despite wanting to crawl into my own warm bed.
It wasn’t the tempo I wanted but it did help me doubt my fitness a little less.
Saturday I ran my longest distance and time-wise long run. 22 miles in 3:14[not including stops, which I tried my best to keep at a minimum – but occasionally a girls got to use the bathroom – right?!]
Sunday I wanted to run more to get my mileage up for the week, but I knew they would be JUNK miles. Junk miles do nothing for your fitness and they don’t help you recover. I wouldn’t get sucked into running more miles just for the sake of running miles. It wasn’t easy. I wanted to run.
Yesterday was a particularly rough day for me for a multitude of reasons. I tried to run a thousand times and nothing was working. When I would get Miles settled Colton would be awake. When Colton fell asleep, Miles wanted to play. Once I got Miles settled watching a movie Colton would again wake up. I needed to run, not for my fitness or my training, I needed to run because I felt like I was loosing my mind.
Finally I thought I had gotten it all together. Got on the treadmill ready to do a tempo. Ran 2 warm up miles and started my 3rd mile at a 7:03 pace. Midway through the mile Colton woke up. I finished the mile, got off the treadmill and gave up for the day. It just wasn’t in the cards for me.
To say I ate my way through the day was an understatement. As a former overweight girl I have at times had a problem with overeating. I still occasionally do, but always know that I now have the ability to “run it off” There was no running it off yesterday. I was eating when I wasn’t even hungry, when I was actually stuffed. I was eating because I wanted energy. I knew the food wasn’t giving me any but I kept on eating and feeling sorry for myself anyways.
I cried before I got into bed. Dear God, I am weak, so weak and so tired. Please help me. Amen. It’s all I said.
I was determined to start today over. I would forget about yesterday and start fresh.
Every day is a new chance to start over and begin the REST of your life. Who needs New Years? Any day can be a new year.
This morning I prayed in the car on the way home. Dear God please let me run today, please let Colton sleep, please let Miles watch a movie and be happy. Please give me strength to complete a tempo. Amen.
Got home, got dressed, and was ready to run. Colton woke up. Guess you don’t get everything you pray for all the time – right?
Lastly, I would say my prayer was certainly answered but that God seriously has a sense of humor?! While on my last cool down mile Colton was snugged in his bouncy seat sleeping in front of me. I happened to look outside and saw truck after truck pull onto my street. Then came other digging type trucks and lots of men. What were they doing? In an instant I realized. They were working on the electrical boxes…..HOLY SH*T…..no way was the power going to get turned off and deter me from finishing this awesome run. I lowered the pace to a 6 minute mile and sprinted the last 1/2 mile of my cool down. As I completed it I heard the door bell ring. I rushed downstairs and was told ma’am we are turning your power off for 30 minutes or so – thanks. Next time I’ll be sure to pray that Colton stays asleep and that no one turns the power off on me 😉
|Exhaustion & Happiness|