Most mornings my alarm goes off at 4:40. I find that I am most productive during those dark morning hours while everyone is sleeping and my mind is fresh. I’ve come to crave that time alone. Alone time is hard to come by when you are a mother of three.

This morning after staying up later than normal last night working on a project, I decided to sleep in till 7 and get up when my kids were waking. I didn’t make it to 7 before I heard fighting downstairs. I’m convinced the majority of what I do now as a mother is referee. Chloe was crying, Miles was holding his backpack tight and I was frustrated that the day had to start with me trying to figure out what nonsense they were arguing over.

Girl scout cookies were the culprit. Miles took an entire sleeve of thin mints and put them in his backpack as his snack for school. Chloe was mad because she wanted some of the cookies, it was the last sleeve, and being the bossy boots that she is – she thought he should get in trouble for having a sleeve of cookies in his backpack. Miles couldn’t understand why I said NO to taking an entire sleeve of cookies for a snack. To him it was completely reasonable amount and he saw no need to share with his sister. UGH.

We moved on and solved the problem by no one getting cookies for snack. Miles ended up with an apple that I’m willing to bet he didn’t touch.

Gary

I drove them to school so I could squeeze in some errands before taking Colton to pre-school.

First up was gas.

Target doesn’t open till 8 so we needed to kill some time. As I came up to where the two gas stations were I couldn’t remember which one was typically cheaper. I picked the wrong one. I didn’t want to pay 3 cents more per gallon when right across the street there was cheaper gas. Gas is gas. I’m not paying more for the same thing, I thought.

I’ll go to the gas station by Target!

Dang it. Gas was the same price. At that point, annoyed, I paid the 3 cents more because I didn’t want to continue to drive around.

We arrived to Target with 10 minutes to spare – perfect timing.

Colton and I chatted till it was time to walk in. I picked up my cup of tea to finally take a sip and half the cup of warm earl grey ended up all over my favorite jogger pants. UGH.

I was really annoyed with myself for not making sure I had closed the lid. It felt like Tuesday had it out for me. I almost tweeted about my “rough” morning till the little voice in my head that matures by the day said – REALLY??

The day is not out for you. You picked the wrong gas station. Big deal. You didn’t put the lip on your cup on tight enough. It spilled. Big deal.

The day is not out to get you. The rest of the day will likely be fine AND even if it’s NOT FINE you are most certainly fine.

Training my brain has been exactly that, training. In situations like this I could dwell and make something really small in to something big. I could have let some spilt tea ruin my day. For what?

As the anniversary of losing my father in law is fast approaching I am reminded that a crappy day on earth is still a day on earth.

I’m not over his loss. If I look at the clinical stages of grief I’m fairly certain I’m still in the anger stage.

While on most days I do find it hard to find any sort of silver lining in his death – I’m going to choose today to KNOW as a personal TRUTH that in losing him I no longer take things for granted where I once did.

Family matters, friends matter, memories matter – spilling some tea on your favorite jogger pants…..doesn’t matter.

4 miles this morning. My legs were tight from two days in a row of running 10 miles BUT I ran 10 miles two days in a row and didn’t end up on the side of the trail sick – so I’ll take tight legs any day!

4/19 4.11 – 8:17 avg 8:54, 8:42, 8:05, 7:33 

4/18 – 10.31 – 8:17 avg 8:23, 8:31, 8:39, 8:22, 8:07, 8:38, 8:37, 7:52, 7:54, 7:54

Eric and Dorothy Wedding

Comments

  1. I have been through every stage of grief. Today marks 17 years since losing my husband to cancer. I was only 25 and he was 29. I think the common thread in those that have endured profound loss is the desire to make our earthly lives richer and appreciate the small things just a little more. Glad you didn’t feel sick on those runs. Don’t worry about the stage you’re in. You’ll eventually go through them all 😉

  2. I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your father in law. Seems April is a rough month. I lost my grandmother 1 year ago, and my nephew 6 years ago. And sometimes when we get caught up in our “This is the worst day EVER”, it’s easy to forget that there have been worst days.

    When my nephew died, having to spend half of the day in the hospital consoling my sister was an awful morning, and then spending the second half of the day arranging his funeral was worst. So, in bad days we need to remember we have survived worst!

    Thank you for sharing your positivity!

    ps. I bet your son didn’t touch that apple…

  3. I think as adults when we do get upset about things like spilling tea on our pants, it usually means that something bigger is bothering us…so it’s good to step back and see what the real issue is…. maybe it is that you are still grieving, maybe it is something else, maybe it is a combination of factors…. but I find that when something small makes me feel like it’s the “worst day”, something else is going on and it’s a time to self-reflect.

  4. I love how you said it was training for your brain… I have been working on this concept for several years now. But it definitely is true and improves/becomes easier. We are so accepting of training g our bodies, but often forget about training our minds. I’m sorry for the loss of your father in law… I lost my mom just over a year ago, unexpectedly, and I feel like my grief has been all over the place. Good for you for finding a positive!

I love a good comment!

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