Colton and I ran 6 stroller miles together this morning. He wanted to know why I wasn’t running faster, all while I could barely muster up enough breath to tell him that I was running as fast as I could. The kid is a mini drill Sargent.

There is something about a hard run that makes me work through things. It’s like in the pain of the moment I am able to see or think just a bit clearer, leaving any anger or frustration out on the trail.

Today I thought a lot about a comment that was flung my way this week. I’ve had more than my fair share of insults hurled at me in my life and that increased ten fold when I started blogging. When you put your life out there for people to read about, you open yourself up to judgment whether you like it or not. If you don’t have a thick skin those comments can hurt. I’ve been hurt before, I’m not going to mince words. I’ve cried. I’ve lost sleep. I’ve wanted to delete this blog and with it my personal Facebook and all social media accounts, more times than I can count. In response to more than one person who chose to harass me online I closed traditional blog comments.

2016 has been different for me. I no longer visit places where people say unkind things about me or others. I have removed myself from the judgment of those who don’t know me.

I now know me. I know my intentions, I know my heart and I know who matters.

 

This week I was told I was self absorbed. While those words alone aren’t enough to upset me, the reasoning behind them were. I’m going to address them in case you too have the same misconception as this person, who once was very near and dear to my heart, does.

If you garner from this blog that I am in to myself, that’s your choice. I’m not. This blog happens to be about running and life, more specifically – my running and my life. I love writing articles NOT about me – SEE HERE – but those type of articles don’t do so well in this space.

I don’t mind rambling on about myself as long as someone wants to read it. Based on my analytics more than a few of you are reading it, so I’ll keep on, keeping on.

There are things about my life that are intentionally left out of my every day ramblings, noticeably my children and my husband. From time to time, I mention them as they relate to my running or working out, but for the most part I leave the details of them off of this space. This wasn’t something I always did BUT it is something I do now. I have grown since the beginning of this blog.

20160312_112807

Once I started reading unkind words said about my husband and my children, I slowly began to remove them. I signed up for the crappy parts that come along with being a blogger, they didn’t.

What some of you know, but most of you don’t know, is that my husband and I had a rocky period in our marriage not so long ago. I moved to the basement of our house while we proceeded to legally separate. I moved out and we began the one year waiting period before you can finalize a divorce in the state of Virginia {when kids are involved}. I saw my children only 50 percent of the time and struggled most days to want to get out of bed. I tricked myself in to thinking I had never been happier, but happier doesn’t involve crying every single day – I can promise you that. I drank frequently and shopped my woes away.

None of this I wrote about.

My husband and I were able to work things out and are stronger for it. I can truly say, though at times we make each other crazy, he is my best friend through thick and thin. I’d be lost without him.

I now see things clearly, where I was blind to them before.

I’m thankful that some of the darkest days of my life are not written down. They are mine to let fade in to the corners of my mind.

IMG_20150514_064331

So if you think I’m self absorbed because my children and my husband are rarely mentioned on this blog, you are wrong. I am not going to use them as a way to earn a larger income. I’m not going to use them as blog fodder or post endless pictures of them for people to look at. I will not document their lives. Their lives are theirs. I’m also not going to share ALL of my struggles and that is my choice. I overshare enough, there has to be a few things in my life that are completely private.

My husband, obviously, is old enough to know whether he wants any part of his life online, my children – even Chloe at almost 10 is not. A choice made at age 9, like having your entire life documented for others to read about, isn’t really a choice. At 9, you don’t know if your 30 year old self is going to be happy that your mom talked about your potty training or shared with the world the emotional turmoil you were going through as you headed in to your last year of elementary school.

If you think I’m self absorbed or in to myself or what not, that’s your choice BUT please don’t make those judgments about me based on the lack of my children or husband in this space. They are left out of here intentionally. This is not me not being real, because this is REAL. I am a real person and so are they. I will do what is best for them, not me. My hope is that you can respect and understand that.

xoxo Dorothy

%d bloggers like this: