Marine Corps Marathon is 5 days away.

Ensue freak out.

My anxiety has been at an all time high lately.

I’m doing more than I ever have and while juggling all the different balls works most days, some days it doesn’t.

Last Thursday I ran my last progression run before the race and got dizzy in the last .1 of the run.

Getting dizzy is the pits and after two years of this happening on and off I’M OVER IT.

Friday I ran my last double-digit run before Marine Corps. My heart was heavy after learning of the death of an old high school friend, so I chose to run alone and with out music. I wanted to feel my emotions and not tuck them away.

8:54, 8:57, 9:00, 8:41, 8:15, 9:01, 8:37, 8:11, 7:59, 7:59

The story the splits tell – you are running too fast, slow down. You are running too slow, run faster. Nope, that was too fast, slow down. Oh forget it, I just want to be home.

The run felt OK. I haven’t trained like I would recommend anyone train for a marathon, but then again I’m doing this for fun, so training the way I’m supposed to train has been of no concern to me. Normally I’d pep myself up with an OK run the week before a marathon by telling myself that it’s just the taper crazies, but I haven’t really tapered, so all it did was cause me to want to throw in the towel.

There are a few things I am exceptional at and one of those things is convincing myself of ridiculous things as it relates to my fitness. I ran 20 + miles not even 3 weeks ago yet I have convinced myself that it would be better for me to run the 10K because a marathon, well that is 20 miles longer than I feel like running right about now.

Harpers Ferry via @mileposts

At church on Sunday the pastor gave a great sermon as usual but one bible verse really stuck out at me as being applicable to the anxiety I am feeling as I head to the starting line of what will hopefully be my 32nd marathon.

Marine Corps Marathon Long Run via @mileposts

Jeremiah 17:9 – The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked.

While I realize that not all of you reading this are Christian, I believe that there is wisdom to be gleaned from many religions.

The pastor went on to say that we have an endless ability to deceive ourselves. Our minds and hearts can trick us.

While I’m 100 percent certain that Jeremiah wasn’t talking about running OR Marine Corps Marathon – the notion that our minds and our hearts can trick us, stuck with me.

My mind is trying to trick my heart now in to thinking that I have ZERO desire to be on the start line on Sunday. I love Marine Corps Marathon so I know this isn’t true.

I keep looking at pictures of the kids races where I led the stretches before a couple of the waves last year and I get all the warm and fuzzy feelings inside.

When I think about how I’m going to feel at mile 20 of my race however, I literally want to throw up. I’ve never had this much anxiety over a marathon – not a PR attempt, not my first race, not ever.

Earlier today I was updating an old post from 2009 about tips for running Marine Corps. I wanted to add a photo, something I didn’t often do for posts when I first started writing Mile Posts.

You can find that post here – http://www.mile-posts.com/marine-corps-marathon/tips-on-running-marine-corps-marathon.html

I found this ridiculous picture of me running Marine Corps Marathon a couple of years ago. I hadn’t trained all that well for that race either, I was self-conscious about my weight {also ridiculous because in hindsight I looked fine}, I thought I was going to bomb, and debated not running. Not only did I have an awesome time as seen in this photo, but I ran a 3:13 and felt the best I’ve ever felt in a marathon ever.

Marine Corps Marathon via @mileposts

So for the rest of the week – I’m going to focus on this ONE single photo every time I start to feel sick about Sunday. I’m not going to let my heart deceive my mind and visa versa. I’m going to finish the race that is set out before me with no regrets.

Who is running MCM? Tell me I’m not alone with the anxiety!

I’ll be at MCM through a partnership with the Beef Checkoff program’s Northeast Beef Promotion Initiative!

I’m excited and honored to be one of the panelists at the Runner’s Conference at the expo on Friday. From 2:30 – 3:30 pm myself and others will be talking about “Preparing for MCM.”

I’ll then make my way to the Beef Booth {#303}! I’ll be there from 4pm – 6pm, so if you are around come say hi so I’m not talking to myself 😉

Then at 7 – 9pm that night I will be at the First Timer’s Pep Rally where I will be a part of the “MCM Expert Panel.”

Saturday morning I’ll be at the kids races leading a couple of the waves of little people in some pre-race stretches {seriously can’t wait for this part!!!} and Sunday morning I’ll see you at the start line <3

I won’t be posting here this weekend but if you want to follow along with my adventures you can follow me on instagram HERE

Comments

  1. Amen to Jeremiah 17:9! I just heard a sermon talking about these little agreements with make with the devil. “I’m fat, I’m not a fast runner, I’ll never do this and that.”

    Thank you for sharing!

  2. I love your blog! I live in DC and will be running MCM on Sunday as well! I definitely have the taper crazies – much worse than last year or before any race. I’ve been wondering if my training was enough, worrying it was too much, wondering if my hip/foot/knee/whatever will start hurting… basically anything I can worry about! But today my best friend told me, “Just go out and have fun! You run better when you don’t think so much about running.”

    Best of luck on Sunday!

  3. Danielle @ Wild Coast Tales says:

    I was incredibly anxious before the Portland marathon a few weeks ago. It helped to think about the things I can control and let everything else go. The race went fine and I know that I run and feel so much better when I can do it with ease versus tension and anxiety! Legs up the wall yoga pose while listening to music also helps :)

  4. Love your blog. Running my first Marine Corp on Sunday. Nowhere near as fast and don’t feel prepared, but all I hear is how amazing the crowds are so looking forward to it. Have fun!

  5. I am going into a marathon nov 5 undertrained… it’s just for fun, but not having a specific goal other than smile and don’t poop my pants is stressing me. But we have many miles in our mileage banks, so I keep reminding myself of this. While you will have crowds, I’m hoping the scenery keeps me moving forward!! Here’s to great races and smiling faces!! You’ve got this!

  6. I’m running MCM. First full ever for me. I am hoping to beat the bridge and finish. Don’t even care about my time. If I’m the Penguin, so be it. At least I finished the race lol.

  7. I am running too and definitely feeling the anxiety! For some reason the fact that the metro isn’t opening until 7am is giving me almost as much anxiety as the distance itself!

  8. Im so nervous for this race!! Always good to know I’m not alone in the pre race anxiety! I keep reminding myself that I’ve been wanting to run this marathon since I was in high school! Hugs to you, you’ll have a great race!!

  9. I hope I join you soon :)

  10. i join you soon

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