Each and every day you can be a victim of your circumstances, get down on yourself, complain, be unhappy, or miserable. You can think you have it harder or worse than everyone else OR you can choose to live life in spite of what is wrong and find the good. YOU make the choice whether or not you live life to the fullest.
My mommy is in town today which makes me happy. A little over a year ago she moved up to Boston, and while I do agree that absence makes the heart grow fonder I miss her. She is not only a mom to me, she is my biggest fan, and one of my best friends.
The reason she is in town is what doesn’t make me happy. I don’t often talk much about my personal life – I try to keep things running related and throw in a little *little people* stuff every now and then. I don’t want to bore everyone with the details of my life. I’ve come to realize that this actually leaves out a huge part of what motivates me and keeps me pushing harder, farther, faster and DREAMING BIGGER.
My grandfather was in the hospital all last week with what ended up being diagnosed as his kidneys’ starting to fail. I had to really ask myself if he needed a kidney would I give it to him. [thankfully he doesn’t need one yet] My reaction surprised me. It took me less than a minute to decide that I would indeed give him one of my kidneys in a heartbeat even if it meant that later on in life I would need a kidney too. Being the thinker I am – I wondered how long does one have to stop running after a surgery like that. Which also made me laugh – I mean who thinks about running at a time like this? Me I guess. It’s how I cope with things.
The day we found out it was his kidneys – I had randomly seen a story on the Today show of a popular author who had mistakenly eaten poisonous mushrooms and through a terrible turn of events needed a new kidney. His daughter was a match and wanted to give him hers, but he didn’t want it. He couldn’t take it. When he made a turn for the worst he finally agreed to take it. He described the bond they now share having part of her in him. Later on that day when I spoke with my mom on the phone she said that she would give *fa* a kidney if he needed one. I didn’t tell her I had the same thought, I just smiled knowing how much we BOTH love this man.
My mom is in town for a week to help take him the dr. and figure out a plan of attack on trying to help him get better and slow his decline. I could focus on the negative but I am choosing to focus on the positive. I am not crying. I get to see my mom and I know that I have had 29 amazing years with him as my grandfather and I hopefully look forward to many more.
As if that wasn’t enough a very dear dear family member lost their job right before Christmas. No two weeks notice. They didn’t know it was coming. It makes me sad. I want to help. Sometimes I have to take a step back and realize that I can’t fix everyone else’s problems, and sometimes they don’t want me to. I’m choosing to look on the positive side knowing that a new and better opportunity will come for the person. Sometimes the loss of a job is the best thing that can happen to you to move you farther than you DREAMED possible.
And still as if both of those things were stressful enough my sister [the one who I never talk about] took her juvenile delinquencies to a new level. Only thing is that she isn’t a juvenile – she is 26 years old – 27 this year and continues to act worse than an ungrateful, spoiled child would act. I won’t air her dirty laundry but what I will say is that the way she verbally abuses my parents gives me RAGE. Literal rage. I am the only person in our family who has cut off all communication with her[I did this to protect myself and my children]. It makes me sad, very sad that I don’t have two wonderful sisters.. I want her to get her life together for herself mostly but also because I see the pain that she continues to cause my family. Recently I tried to forgive her and let go of my anger towards her – it’s hard. VERY VERY HARD. I could literally write the most unbelievable book about her and all the things she has done to not only me, but our whole family. I don’t even tell the stories anymore to friends because they are so insane…..
What I could choose to focus my energy on is that I have for lack of a better word, a crappy sister OR I can choose to focus on the fact that my sister Amanda is one of the most wonderful people in the world. I love her with all my heart and would do just about anything for her. My children love her and her fiance dearly. Children can sense things, they know who is good. I’m so grateful that the Lord gave me one loving sister and am choosing to focus on that.
It’s been a whirlwind month – all of this mess coupled with the holidays has left me tired, a tad stressed, a little overwhelmed and behind on things.
I live passionately which means that I am inspired by little things and appreciate fleeting moments, but this also means it’s easy for things to get me down – to upset me, make me sad, or break my stride.
On days that seem to be the worst I often have some of my best runs. When I run alone I am FREE to be me. I find out what I am made of. I learn whether I am strong. I use all that happens in my life as fuel.
If you are having one of those days, weeks, months, years where you are feeling weak – where you feel you just can’t take it anymore and your life is certainly harder than everyone else you know…..know that these are the times that separate you….this is YOUR chance to CHOOSE. Choose happiness. Choose to fight for your life. Choose to focus on the good instead of dwelling on the bad.
Oh and go for a run…..seriously….it makes everything better!
P.S. I need your help!! I’m nominated for a shorty award in Social Fitness and I am currently in 10th place. It literally takes 30 seconds to vote and I would REALLY appreciate it!!
http://shortyawards.com/MilePosts <—– Click HERE
If you are feeling extra motivated I’m nominated as one of the MOST INSPIRATIONAL running blogs in the #runchat awards and I’d love your vote there too! http://www.impressity.com/Survey/sl.aspx?SurveyLinkId=xwhsnizlxjnvgbnfbubk