I like side pictures better & that's OK

There are things about me that I wish were different. 

As someone who previously suffered from social anxiety I have for the past 7 years or so forced myself into social situations in big groups that I had no desire to be in. I thought that this lack of wanting to be with a large group was because it intimidated me or something, so rather than let the situation get the best of me – I took it on, head on.

The older I get the more I realize that my dislike of large groups actually has nothing to do with social anxiety. I am fine in a big group – I can have fun – I am not afraid. I however feel more at peace in a smaller group. It’s why I much prefer to have a couple of close girlfriends rather than a ton of acquaintances. I want to put effort in to the things I do, the people I love, the friendships I want to foster – if I can’t give something my all I tend to shy away from it. [this is not to say that if you love big groups that you aren’t giving it your all – I am merely saying that I can only give something my all when I focus on a couple of things]

When I see a group picture of say 20 or so girls – I don’t think to myself man I wish I had been there. I think gosh I’m glad I missed that.

Is this weird?

Maybe yes, or maybe no. It’s who I am. I don’t need to fight it any more.

I don’t have the most friends in the world. I never will. But what I do have is the love of the friends I have. They can rest assured that I give them my all. I don’t hide things from them, I tell the truth and I probably talk too much.

I like getting deep.

This is why I know I will ALWAYS be a runner. When the speed has left my legs, and even when the distance is gone – I know in my heart of hearts I will still run.

Running is a close friend of mine.

I think this is why I am fine with running alone.

I thought to myself this morning – if you moved – would you search out a running club? Honest answer is no.

I would lace up my shoes and head out the door – alone yet not alone.

I’m going to stop forcing myself to be in big group situations and accept that it is OK that I like being with just a couple of people. I am going to accept that I prefer running with 2 or 3 people instead of 15, and that’s okay. I’m going to accept that I am different from a lot of people that I know and that is OK. The thing about life that makes is soooo special is that we are all different. I’m going to stop forcing myself to be someone I’m not and accept myself for who I am.

Do you find that you are more accepting of yourself the older you get?


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  1. 100% yes. The older I get the more I know myself and the less I care about what others think. It’s sad to me that it took so long for me to realize how important that is.

  2. Yes, it has become easier to accept who I am the older I get. I’m the same way with big groups and I have come to the realization that I do much better one on one with people. I enjoy getting deep and focusing on one person and like you said giving them my all. I run alone 99% of the time with no ipod, just me, my thoughts and the road. Running is where I spend my time sorting thoughts, praying and finding out what I’m made of. I wouldn’t want it any other way since I’m starting to enjoy who I am :)

  3. Thank you for this post! You are not weird!! I feel the same way when I see a picture of a big group…thankful I wasn’t there. At this time of year, especially, it can be difficult with the big work parties, etc. You’re right…we just need to accept who we are and BE OK with that.
    As a side note, I recently bought my first pair of Saucony running shoes after getting a gait evaluation at a local running store. I haven’t run in them, yet, because I want to make sure my IT band is good before doing that, but I can’t wait to try them out!!

  4. I couldn’t agree more with everything you said right there. As much as I enjoy running with the few women that I do train with once a week, I really, REALLY dig running alone. Just me and my thoughts and the sound of my breathe and the pounding of my feet on the pavement. I loathe large crowds. The only time a big crowd is okay is if I am in a race! :) I have a handful of really great friends and that’s all I need. If that makes me different, than I’m okay with that. I like the woman I have evolved into! You are awesome!!

  5. I am (ahem) a few years older than you and I can tell you that the older I get, the more accepting i am of myself. Issues, problems, stresses that would have laid me to waste in my 20’s or even 30’s are now like water off a duck’s back. I have to admit, running plays a huge part in that. I’m constantly amazed what a lifetime of running allows me to do at 50, I run races and distances people I know who are decades younger can only imagine doing.

    Never forget that, while acceptance and keeping up a healthy lifestyle is great for you, the example you set will be monumental for your kids. I’m sure it already is.

  6. Tried the feedburner feed but this post did not come up in Google Reader. :(

  7. I feel the same way. I much prefer a small group of people I am close to rather than a huge group. I think this is why I would have never survived a sorority. Too many group events. I love my solo runs too. As a mom and introvert, I cherish this time to myself! Sometimes I think it would be nice to get involved in group runs, just to meet other local runners but I love just being able to run my own pace, set my own goals, and just let go and RUN!

  8. As I get older I realize that I can not stay up late at all! I need to be in bed by 10 or else I seriously am the worst person in the world.

    It might mean that I can’t stay at all my friends parties and I miss out on some things….but my sleep has become way to important. And I’m okay with it!

  9. I am definitely much more accepting of myself now that years ago. I gave up on large groups long ago- I’ve always preferred to be alone or with just a few other people. Huge 40th for me last year? Nope, 4 friends came over (we all pawned off the kiddies), we had a few drinks, joked around, did drunken Ab Ripper X and that was the night!

  10. I think the older I get the more I realize that the little things don’t matter. And I think a lot of that comes from having the partnership of my husband. Even if I never have or make another friend I have the best friend in the world in my husband. I used to get upset when friends wouldn’t call me back… and now sometimes I feel like I’ve become that friend. Because life does get busy and sometimes the most important thing to me is staying home and not going out….

    I have running clubs but I don’t always go. I do enjoy having running friends, but its not why I run.

  11. WOW! This is me to a tee! I needed this. Thank you so much Dorothy. You inspire me so much and I am so grateful you share so much of you with us. You make me feel like its ok to be me and I appreciate that more than I can say here!

  12. Absolutely yes! I think it takes time and experience to learn to accept and love ourselves. Wonderful post!

  13. Mile Posts By Dorothy Beal says:

    I feel you Lizzy – I like being home with my little family :) So excited for baby FTRF

  14. Mile Posts By Dorothy Beal says:

    Thank you :)

  15. Mile Posts By Dorothy Beal says:

    Aww thanks – it is okay to be you. Actually it’s more than okay!! I’d rather be a real version of myself than a fake (copied) version of someone else!! :) Keep running Michelle!!!

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