I write and re-write blogs posts in my head every day. Sometimes I get a chance to type them up – others are lost forever because I can not find the time to put the words down. Still others I start remain drafts for various reasons.
Yesterday in the car I started this post. I made it to mile 16 and I started to get a lump in my throat. I fought off tears. at.a.stop.light.
I stopped at mile 26 never finishing the race in my head. While I have confidence going into this race I do not know what the outcome will be and part of loving a perfectly imperfect race is being OK if nothing goes as plan and I don’t hit any of my goals.
Eric [hubby] is coming with me to the race. I’m excited about this because he has a calming *tell it like it is way* about him in the last miles of marathons he helps me get through. He doesn’t tell me it will be easy. He tells me to breathe, not talk, be calm, run fast, push through the pain – but most of all he tells me it’s GOING TO HURT – and not to back off the pace when it does.
Even thinking about this now is making me feel excited and scared and YEP the LUMP IN MY THROAT IS BACK.
Pre-Race Sunday: I’m going to be excited. Nervous but really excited and ready to start running. I will be quiet and focused – not really talking.
Race Line: I will say a little prayer to God and it will include asking him to help me to soar on wings like eagles during this race, to run and not grow weary. [Isaiah 40:31]
Miles 1 – 4: Will mostly be a blur – I will be slightly stressed about making sure I am running slow. I will be fighting the itch to run fast and try to settle into a comfortable groove. I will repeat to myself that the race does not start till mile 21. It’s just a 10K at the end of a 20 mile run.
Miles 6 – 10: I will settle in a good pace and be thinking about how wonderfully empty the race is going to be once the 1/2 marathoners finish and are off the course. I’m going to think about how much I love marathons and how in a couple of short miles I will be half way through.
Miles 10 – 13.1: I’m going to start thinking about my kids and then wonder why when I am away from them, getting a break, all I can do is think about how wonderful they are and how happy they make me. This will lead me to thinking about God and how blessed I am. My life has turned out NOTHING like I planned it to. What is wonderful about HIS plan is that it’s always better than mine.
Miles 13.1 – 16: I will focus on how far I have come in my life.
I will think about how sad I was in college – how I masked this with alcohol. How uncomfortable I felt in my own skin when I was overweight. I will think about all the BLAH things that have happened in my life that could have kept me down. I will think about the time I weighed myself and the scale was over 25+ lbs higher than I had been less than two years before – I will remember collapsing down crying on that scale.
I will remember my mom telling me that anything to do with running – she would pay for – this was her way of helping me not make excuses of why I couldn’t afford to run. I will think about when I was told I would never have 6 pack abs[I had a small spare tire at the time] – that I would never look at good as Britney Spears and to give up trying – I will laugh in my head.
I will think about how I used to be a bad person and I will forgive myself for the 1,000th time knowing that this will not be the last time I will ask myself for forgiveness for the mistakes I have made.
I will think about how I never dreamed I would one day be considered an athlete. I will remember wondering if I would ever fit in with other runners. I will remember how I felt the day I crossed the finish line of my first marathon. I will start to get chocked up.
Emotions and thoughts will flood my mind and I will tell myself to stop. I can’t hyperventilate in a marathon. I need to stop thinking. I need to get my game face on and race like I’ve never raced before.
Miles 16 – 20: I will be looking forward to seeing Eric and having him tell me that the real pain is about to begin. I will remember that the race starts after mile 20 – a 10K at the end of a marathon. I will get my game face on and I will sing in my head. I will calmly listen to Eric tell me not to back off the pace – to embrace the pain. I will feel happy he is next to me and wish that he could be with me till the end.
Miles 21 – 22: The pain will start. I will embrace it. I will start to talk to God more. I will tell HIM I need HIS type of strength to endure this race.
Miles 23 – 24: The doubt demons will arrive. They will make me question why I run the marathon distance. They will tell me the pain is too much and to give up. They will tell me I am not enough. I will remember them. I know they come from the Devil and he will not get the best of me today. He will not tell me I am not worth it – I KNOW I AM.
Mile 25: I will want to cry from the pain. I will know that the more pain I am in the faster I am running – the faster I am running the faster I get to the finish line. I will know that Mile 25 & Mile 26 can make or break me – they are the difference between a PR and a decent marathon time.
Mile 26: I will soar on wings like EAGLES – I will praise God for my legs – my lungs – I WILL FIGHT. I will not be beaten. I am in pain will run through my head but out loud I will say YOU GOT THIS GIRL. YOU GOT THIS GIRL.
My body will scream out to stop – my body will try to tell my mind what to do. I RUN THIS BODY – not the other way around. I tell my body to run fast – it does not tell me to stop.
Mile 26.2: Pure elation mixed with some of the worst pain I have ever experienced – it will equal bliss as I am now a marathoner x 19.
Are you racing this weekend? Visualize the pain – see yourself overcoming it – embracing it. Push when you have nothing left and remember as the saying goes PAIN IS TEMPORARY BUT PRIDE IS FORFREAK*NGEVER
DREAM BIG my friends…..Dream BIG