It’s taper time.
Taper essentially means I go a little crazy in my head.
Crazy from not running the way I want to be running.
Crazy from worrying that any little twinge I feel will turn into something more.
This time I’ve been extra crazy because I have a sinus infection.
Friday I went to the Dr. and asked as nicely as I could for medicine. I don’t normally take medicine I pleaded, but just this once I REALLY need it. I’m not against taking stuff – I just have this thing that if your body is in pain it’s trying to tell you something. My body tells me a lot and in order to feel normal I have to listen.
I’ve raced twice this year. Both times I was sick. A 10K on the first of the year was honestly harder than my first 10K 12 years ago. The flu does not mess around. I watched as woman after woman passed me. I watched as the miles seemed to crawl by. I was frustrated with my body even though I knew I was sick. I like to be super human. I want my body to do all I want it to do, when I want to do it. When I can’t – it frustrates me – no matter how irrational my want is.
I don’t want to be sick on my 3rd race of the year. I want to feel good. I want to feel strong.
What I am doing this week is controlling what I can control.
I can control what I eat and drink.
I can control how much I sleep.
I can try to control my thoughts and not let them run away with doubts.
Race #2 – The Reston 10 Miler taught me a couple of lessons.
- If you give yourself a way out and say that you aren’t feeling great so you are just going to run easy, but in your head dream about racing, you will only be able to run easy. I believe that your mind controls your body. I said multiple times I didn’t feel good and was just going to see what my body had. I gave myself an out and was defeated before I even started.
- I can’t race when I am listening to music. There was no racing going on in my body at the 10 miler. I let person after person go past me and didn’t really mind at all. I didn’t try to hang with them, I didn’t wonder what pace they were running. I just kept hitting repeat on a favorite song. On Saturday I will not be listening to music. I need to go to that place in my head that embraces pain, that enjoys the inevitable struggles that will happen. I need to be present in the moment, feeling every step. I am not out for a fun run, I am there to race. Racing means that I am a competitor at this race. I’m not running a time trial mile, I am running a marathon and trying to place.
- I am not going to talk about my plans for this race. I know them in my head. I know them in my heart. I believe them. I don’t want to say oh well my training was this – so I think I can run that OR I’ve been sick so I am just going to show up and see how I do. I don’t want to talk about it. So I’m not going to talk about it…..I need to keep my head in the mental game and stop those inner voices that always tell me I am not enough.
I RUN THIS BODY was born at B & A Trail Marathon. It was in those cold, lonely painful miles that I said to myself over and over – I RUN THIS BODY – I RUN THIS BODY. Who runs? Who pushes when there is nothing left? Who fights for their dreams? Who doesn’t give up when the going gets tough? Who doesn’t listen to those who want me to fail? Who pushes out the negative and allows the positive to grow and flourish? I DO. I RUN THIS BODY.
Are you running a marathon this weekend? Rock N Roll USA? Shamrock Marathon? B & A Trail Marathon? What are you doing this week to prepare?
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