I Wanted To Be That Runner

I wanted to be able to say – I ran the day I gave birth. It doesn’t seem to matter to me much anymore. I don’t know if it’s the hormones or because I am feeling more tired now than I have ever felt before.

In my heart I felt that if I could keep up the running till the bitter end it would make me a legit runner. I could include it in my bio of life – Mom of three – Ran through all three pregnancies till the bitter end. What I’ve slowly realized in the past couple of days is that one run on a specific unknown day is not going to change the runner I am. The difference between being a legit runner and just a person who occasionally runs is a mindset. Only you can decide if you are a runner.

Maybe my goal would be easier if I knew the day my little boy would be born. Would I jump out of bed and put my Saucony’s on? Go for a run, leaping and bounding knowing that it would be my last as a person-who-is-technically-two? I don’t know when he will come.

14 more days till my “official due date” – but what’s a due date? I honestly don’t know when this little man was conceived. I don’t track things like that. A due date is guess date for me.

I have never kept a tally of how many miles I ran this month or that month. I don’t track things like that. I don’t know how many miles I ran pregnant. I don’t know how many I run each year. For me counting these numbers leads to countless junk miles that are run to hit a number. I don’t want to run junk miles. I want each mile to be quality – so I include a mile in the days count, occasionally the weeks count, but nothing more than that.

My daughter was born 21 days before her due date. My son came 10 days before his. I’m putting my faith in God that he knows when it’s best for this little guy to come. I can tell you that I am certainly praying he does not keep up the pattern and wait even longer than his older brother did.

I’ve thought more about patience. I do have it – I just don’t have it when it comes to an unknown variable.

I have through practice learned to have all the patience in the world when it comes to watching other runners go out too fast ahead of me at track workouts, long runs and races. I know in my heart of hearts that I will pass them later - I will run the smarter race filled with patience and trust.

Someone please tell me how you run the smarter race when it comes to childbirth? I just don’t know.

My life is in limbo. I’m ready for the next stage but don’t know when it will come.

Comments

Elizabeth says:

November 5, 2010 at 5:34 pm

I've absolutely loved your last few blog posts. Very much from the heart and if I ever get pregnant, I am going back and reading through all of them again!

shellyrm aka jogging stroller mama says:

November 5, 2010 at 5:55 pm

Your photos are amazing. And this post is beautifully written. "that one run on a specific unknown day is not going to change the runner I am." I love that!

Jenn says:

November 5, 2010 at 7:14 pm

You are a wise runner! You are a caring and responsible mother-runner! Being healthy and teaching this to our children….is of upmost importance! I am just now considering my a 'runner' while I can just this year run a 5K anyday and everytime I go out without added effort…and I am enjoying starting to add to it slowly to around 5 miles..(most so far) but I find myself wanting to go more..in hopes that when my husband and I conceive our next child that we are currently preparing for…that I might be able to continue to be as active as possible, as long as I can! If that is one mile or 5 miles..I will be happy and thankful. Spoken from someone how was on bedrest for preterm labor with my first….I hope that being in shape to start will prevent the ladder from happening! And just a side note…my OB says that it is a great idea as long as baby stays healthy! Hang in there..I waited (im)patiently for 4 months when I could not be active AT ALL….for my miracle.
While I do not know you personally, I pray for this peace in waiting to come in these next days for you!
while you long to be THAT runner…every running mother knows…that on any given day…you running goal may require tweaking as life slips in…

Tricia says:

November 5, 2010 at 10:10 pm

lovely post

Ness says:

November 5, 2010 at 10:25 pm

I loved your last post, if you want you can in anything you want to accomplish and i am sure you can run the day your baby is due that indeed sound so cooool good luck im sure your baby is on the way

Kiesha says:

November 6, 2010 at 4:16 am

Ahhh, SO HARD! This part of the pregnancy seems to last forever. You've been pretty lucky so far to have your kids come so early but then it seems to set an expectation. Little dude will come when he's done cookin'. I tried to enduce myself with my last baby 5 days early by push mowing my lawn for an hour and all it did was make my back hurt for the rest of the evening. Hang in there! Will be thinking of you!

Erika says:

November 9, 2010 at 7:56 pm

that picture is breathtaking! I'm pretty impressed that you have been able to run all along…I settled my prego butt on a couch and ate my heart out for 9 months! You'll be happy you did it!

Lesley @ racingitoff.com says:

November 10, 2010 at 9:47 pm

Love the photo!

Hate to ask this here but I've checked all over your blog and your facebook page and can't find an e-mail address… can you e-mail me at racingitoff (at) gmail.com ? I have a question I'd like to ask you for a future blog post that I'm working on…